Blogging Everyday in July|Appear Professional

I bet you thought I forgot today, didn’t you?  Well I didn’t.  I’ve just been working since 5:30 this morning, and just got off at 11:15 tonight.  But that’s beside the point.

Have you ever looked at someone and been offended by the way they look?  Because apparently that’s a thing.  I’m pretty sure that’s the reason behind most dress codes.  That’s why unnatural hair colors, tattoos, and piercings aren’t usually allowed in most work environments.  Because it’s “unprofessional.”  For some reason.

Now, I understand that when working some places, wearing certain clothes, shoes, or having certain types of jewelry has to do with safety and sanitation.  And natural hair colors being a part of the uniform might be to keep the company just that: uniform.  I’m not complaining about that.  In fact, I’m not complaining at all.  I’m just asking questions.

At the resort that I worked at before moving here, they didn’t care about my tattoos showing, as long as they weren’t offensive.  I just had to dress professionally.  I couldn’t be exposed, which is normal.  I couldn’t wear beanies or hats, which makes sense.  One of my managers there even said that she thought people who hated tattoos needed to get over themselves.

One of my current coworkers asked me to write about this, and I really think the offense comes from the culture of the older generation.  They don’t all want to adapt to where we are now.

I’m wondering when we’re going to stop being controlled by our past.

Sitting in Silence

Sitting in silence
By myself
With myself
Really getting to know myself
As my purpose is forgotten

So utterly alone
Wondering if I can make it
On my own
As it’s too late
To abandon this quest

Empty home
Empty heart
Fill me up
To the brim
Welcome me in

No one said this was easy
Though I wish it was
It’s something I have to do
My hand is held
Let me just trust this

Within my chest
Lays a cavern
Where my heart still beats
Where my lungs still breathe
Take care of me

Mistaken identity
Please remember me
Though I won’t be returning to you
Anytime soon

I was used
And kept coming back for more
Because I’d forgotten how to feel
And I just needed to feel something

Yet now I feel too much
Threatening to pull away at every touch
Begging you to hold me
2,000 miles away
I’m lonely
Sitting in silence

Leaving Dublin

And I wonder if anything will ever taste the same
I wonder if I should break down and cry right here
Wonder I’m empty or filled
Feeling as if something is missing
When it’s really that I’m sitting in mystery
Wondering what comes next
Wondering where my home is
If it’s time to move on again
Because this adventure is not over yet
This is only the beginning.

Do You Ever?

Do you ever lay in bed thinking about ending your life?  Even when you’re happy?  Even when you have people who love you and a job that you like going to?
And really, if you said anything, there would probably be some big freak out.  Because thinking about something obviously means you’re going to do it.  But you wouldn’t.  You have no reason to.  It’s not even something that you want to do, it’s just something that you think about.  Do you ever wonder if that’s okay?

Do you ever wonder why people say death is a coward’s option?  They accuse you of running away.  They accuse you of being afraid.  They say that you’re not brave.
But you must be so much braver.  Because jumping from some high place is terrifying.  What if you fail?  That would be so much worse.
And a failure might be even braver.  Because now everyone knows your secret.  There is no hiding anymore.

Do you ever wonder why these thoughts come in the first place?  Maybe they’re normal.  The French have a saying about the beckoning void.  Being tempted to jump from a high place, or to slit your arm open when you have a knife in your hand in the kitchen, these are the voids that beckon.  Because these are the easiest options.  These are possibilities.  And it’s your job to fight the void.

But do you ever want to give in?  Do you ever want to tell someone?  Do you ever wonder if you need help?  If giving up the drugs was the wrong decision?

I’m just wondering; do you ever?