Blogging Everyday in July|On Being a Single Human

Hello.  I am a single human.  In that I mean that I am a human and I am single, but also that I am only one human, not multiple.  I got asked to blog about being single, and I think it’s because my group of friends is mostly from the “singles” group at my church.  That’s so weird to say, by the way.
On a side note, when I was in college, my friend Karina was part of a church in Pasadena, and the young, college aged group was called the “singles” group, and we thought it was so weird and hilarious, but not that I’m out of college, I realize I can’t be in a college group.  So it’s young adults, but my church has a young married people group too, so this one is the “singles” group.  Haha.  Laugh with me.
Anyway, my friends are mostly single, even though some of them might be starting relationships soon.  We love each other, and we’re content with where we’re at, I think.  I know I am.  And that might really be true for the first time in a long time.

For a long time I’ve joked about singleness.  I’ve laughed at myself, but on the inside wished I could change it.  Then, the last couple years or so I’ve had multiple guys in my life, but none of them were serious enough about me, even though my heart kept going farther than I wanted it to, so I kept getting crushed.  And occasionally I’d do the crushing.
One of my old flames texted me last week saying he missed me, even though it’s been so many months since we’re spoken.  I told him that he was just being lonely.  And I told him that I don’t want to be lonely, I want to be content being alone.  And I think that’s what I am.  Not just because there’s no one in my life right now that I really want to be with, but because I love my friends, my lifestyle, and figuring out my life the way it is.  I like that I’m becoming a healthier person.  I think I just needed to purge all of the pain out, and dating is one of those things.

I’ve heard a lot that as soon as you stop looking, you find someone.  I don’t want that to be true.  Because then, when you stop looking, you start looking.  All of the fun adventures that I would want to do on dates, I can do with a group of my friends here, and it’s a thousand times more enjoyable.
I want to be in love with life again before I fall in love with a person.

A lot of people believe in soul mates, or believe that they’re only half of an entity until they find their other half.  But I want to be whole and unbroken.  I want to be desired because I’m independent and following my dreams.  I want my heart to be full.  And I’m getting there.

So yes, I’m a single human.  That’s exactly who I’m supposed to be.  That’s exactly who I want to be.  And that is the end.

Unbroken Joy

You are the rhythm I dance to
No one else can match it
The song in my soul belongs to you
Just as I do

I sprint through fields of truth
For a moment to touch your beauty
I can’t quite grasp you in my hand
You open up my whole arms
My whole heart
Taking over my being

Here I am
Take me
All my pieces
You don’t make broken people
In your presence
I am whole

Agape

Agape
I heard you in the shop
As the city bustled around me

I had left myself somewhere back there
Forgetting to pick myself up where I fell
Cracks revealed as voices echo through me

Agape
You centered me again
A taste of a memory that I’d like to keep

Agape, help me hold on!
The trickles could soon become tidal waves
Watching as the dam is breaking

Agape
You wash over me
Like these voices that drown it all out

Agape, I have not forgotten
You are the rhythm I dance to in the streets
You’re every new note that I meet

Agape
You have struck a chord in me
A resounding sound that knocks me off my feet

In laughter I’ll lay in the grass with you
Bring me to my knees
Watch me weep

Agape
I remembered you
Even in all I have lost

Agape, I’m sorry if I blamed you
Forgive this weakness
For I’m still strong

Agape
It took this crowded city to wake me up
Realizing this was never just a dream

Agape, I don’t know that I’ll ever understand
Yet maybe a heart needs to be broken to become whole
And I am wholly yours.

Plans

My plans are bigger than you could even imagine
But my timing may not be what you’re expecting
You see, life is much longer than it looks
And even when you’re old, you’ll be young
New things come everyday, so keep your eyes open

I am always speaking to you
My voice is not imaginary
And you hear it
Even when you don’t realize it’s me
You’r responses will always be your choice
But I’m proud of you either way

This pressure that you feel isn’t real
It’s not something you need to give in to
It’s not something you need to overcome
And I promise, you will be free
Just trust me

I made your lungs to breathe
And your heart to beat
Your eyes see because I designed them to
Your ears can hear music because I love it too
When I made you, I said, “It is good.”

You are more than good enough to me
Can’t you see?
I will always be your rescuer, but you don’t need to be saved as much as you worry

The choices set before you are yours to make
No matter what you choose, I’ll still smile down on you
I’ve always smiled at what you do
You don’t need to question me anymore

I know you feel that you are broken
I know you feel I made you that way
I know you’re searching for my reasons
But I don’t make broken people

You are whole
You are sustained
You are filled and overflowing
And I’ll still be there when you feel you’ve gone dry
I hold you, even when you think I’ve deserted you

I can’t get enough of you
I love you more than you’ll ever know
There’s nothing you could do to stop it
I loved you before you knew me
And even longer

So don’t worry about your next step
I’ll guide it, no matter what
Step out
Because even if you fall, I’ll catch you
Even if you sink, I’ll pull you up
You’ve got this
And I’ve got you

He’s Waiting

He waited
Like he knew you were coming back
He watched the road in anticipation
Until he saw your outline on the horizon

He picked up his feet and ran
Full speed to embrace in his arms
His strong arms, his loving arms
They hold you

As you left him behind
All focus followed you
And he was forgotten while he waited
But he never failed to remember you

You went off to live a wild life
With no knowledge of what happened while you were gone
But he went to work determinedly
Preparing for your return

So what is he to you?
What are you to him?
How can you feel like you matter
When everything you have is his?

You matter because you matter to him
He would give you everything
He’s already given you everything
Yet you always ask for more

He is extravagant
And he’s extravagantly in love with you
Every time you turn your back
He waits patiently for you

See, he knows you’ll always come home
Eventually
Because you know he’s the best thing for you
Yet you take him for granted

You were outside
But you put yourself out there
He’s invited you inside so many times
He even leaves the door unlocked

He never broke you
Yet you fully believe you are broken
His arms are healing
Yet you pull away from his embrace

When you packed up everything
When you went out the door
You had every intention to leave forever
But he waited anyway

How could you believe you deserve this?
Are you even worth this?
You are because he says so
So go home, he’s waiting