Even as the price has been paid
I cannot bring myself
To be like the rest of these
Whole people
Asking me to dance in freedom
Before a loving God

Why cannot I
Just sit at the feet
Of my loving God?

In the quiet
Basking in a glory unknown
Though they cannot see my freedom
As it has not been fully realized
Does not negate its reality

I am free
Just feeling caged in
By the warriors around me
Not their prisoner
Not ready to be another casualty
Please let me be

Who I Am

Look me up
But not in a dictionary
Because Merriam Webster’s got nothing on me
I cannot be defined
I don’t fit into a mold
I’m not something you can fold
Up so neatly that I’ll fix in a box
And I’m going to stop hiding in my hole like a fox

I am gifted and growing
Like sprouts from a seed
That was planted in spring
I break through the soil
And I bloom

I am strong
Like an oak aged through many winters
I have weathered so many storms
Burned in a fire, the wood I shed will keep you warm
And I will live on

I am not broken, ripped, or torn
Nothing holds me down; I am not caught in any thorns
I am protected and so much more

I am becoming everything I am meant to be
I am freed
And as I declare this you may doubt me
You may say you know me
Because you’ve seen me in the dark
But my sun has risen
And though I remember the beauty of the starlight
It has changed me

My hope is where it should be
Anchored in a strong foundation
Ready to take part in this nation
I am a citizen

There is no persecution I deserve
Because my royal nature was not something I earned
But something I was born into
Yet my birthright will be ignored
Seen as entitlement
Remembered as poor

Still I will carry on
I will more than survive
I will thrive
Because I know what I am striving for

About Choice

The thing about utopia is how imperfect and broken it is.  With ridding life of pain, of conflict, of disagreement, we take away so much.  We take away joy, and love, and color.  We take away choice.

Some believe that with choice, we always choose wrong.  Look at Adam and Eve.  They had the choice to live forever, and instead chose knowledge and death.  Is it because they didn’t have all the facts?  We may not ever know.  But maybe that’s okay.  So many of us say that if it were us, knowing what we know now, we would have chosen differently.  I’m not so sure that this is true.

I would love to rid the world of its corruptness.  I would love to end all wars and hunger and racism and all of that.  However, this may never be possible.  Not because people always choose wrong, but because the wrong choices sound the loudest.

If someone never knew pain, lived in a world without pain, and was surrounded by people who only knew the same, then once pain arrived it would scream in their face.  Everyone would feel it.  And to stop it, more pain would arise.  Or maybe it wouldn’t.

All I know is that the world is fallen, that I am fallen.  All I know is that I am redeemed.  All I know is that this all can be washed clean.  If only we would make the choice.