Joy

I sit here in these ruins
And I know I will remember it all
Memories flood back to me that are not my own
A child running joyfully through her home

I laugh as I climb
Looking out windows that I have never known
Trying to imagine the past
Although I am just a visitor here

I call out to you
My voice sprinkled with bliss
This is something new in this old place
Yet I feel that I have come home

Ireland Chapter 3

Yesterday was life changing in so many ways. We stopped above the ocean and I saw angels. A young man gave me a flower. I wrote so many things. I visited a castle and heard God’s voice.

My mother originally wanted to name me Ariel. In a dream, she says God told her to name me Sara. Sara means princess in Hebrew, which means that growing up my mother bought me far too many princess things. If you know anything about me, you know that this is an identity that I have rejected. It makes me feel awkward and frilly. That’s not who I want to be. I do not want to be frail or someone who needs to be rescued. 

Yesterday at the castle, God showed me something different. He filled me with overwhelming joy. I felt like a child running through her castle. I felt that I had come home for the first time ever. 

Later, I felt God prompting me to ask one of the other members of the team what God has been doing in him so far on this trip. This opened the door to a conversation that I never could have expected. I found someone who needed to hear my story. Someone with the same brokenness. So much sameness and so much healing. I got to pray for him, but it was more than I could have asked for.

Today, we went to the cliffs of Moher. We did other things, but that’s all I care about. This is what I was looking forward to the most on this trip. I got to play in the rain. I got to share more of Jesus. I got to run with my God. And I felt his history touch me.

Also, the bus broke down on our way to the hotel, but now I’m finally in bed. This really is an adventure, and it’s my life.

Ireland Chapter 2

I went to a garden yesterday and heard God’s voice. 

I think the hardest thing for me here has been not knowing anyone. No one knows me. And I’m not one to invite myself. So while everyone else went off in their own groups, I walked my own path in the garden alone. But I wasn’t alone. In fact, I don’t feel alone here at all. God really is walking with me. He told me that it’s okay to take my own path, that he made me a trailblazer. But that it’s also okay to invite myself in. I don’t need to wait to be befriended because as much as I don’t know anyone, I am also unknown, and I put up walls that make me uninviting, no matter how unintentional that may be. 

We went to Glendalough and Cashel today. Ruins. Towers. History. Castles. Churches. Worship. Jesus. I’m writing more poetry. I’ll wait until I’m home to share any because it formats weird on the iPad, and I’m just not down for that. I’m also feeling like I belong a little bit more. I keep forgetting that I’ve only been here like 2 days. There is so much left to see and learn.

Today Ray taught about essentially what I wrote my senior thesis on. It was a fantastic feeling to have someone else understand how important authentic and honest writing is. It’s okay to write about the hard stuff, because everyone experiences it. However when I tried to tell him this, he didn’t quite catch what I was trying to say. I wish that I was better at expressing myself when talking, as well as through writing. 

Onward and upward. I have so much ahead of me. Making life an adventure.