Blogging Everyday in July|Is it Hopeless to be Romantic?

Someone asked me to blog about what it means to be a hopeless romantic.  Or maybe what I think the definition is.  Which is possibly one of those things that I can’t quite grasp, so I looked it up.  Google is telling me that a “hopeless romantic” is someone who loves love.  Someone who believes in happy endings.  Someone who wants a fairy tale.  Someone who won’t give up.  This makes me wonder, am I one?

I love love stories.  I love when my friends find their person.  It would be nice to have a person.  But currently, I’m enjoying discovering myself.  I don’t think I’m hopelessly romantic.  I don’t expect anyone to go over the top to chase me down or woo me over.  Life is not like the movies.  But whenever I get to hear a crazy story about something someone has done for the person they love, it makes me glad I’m alive.  Because I want a story.  I want an adventure.  But I want more than that.

Grand gestures probably exist.  But I think they’re rare in this day and age because people are so afraid of getting let down.  Most people spend so much time in the beginning of their relationship unsure if they’re actually in a relationship that they’re afraid to be romantic at all.  And I can’t think of anyone actually following through on anything romantic involving me.  That doesn’t mean that it’s something that belongs only in the movies though.

I think that by defining something as hopeless, we make it unreal.  We make it something that people are afraid to be a part of.  Why do a grand gesture to show how much someone means to you, how much you want to be with someone, if it’s hopeless?  Romance is not hopeless; at least it shouldn’t be.  It should just be romantic.

So maybe hopeless romantics don’t exist.  Because they’re all still hopeful.  Hopeful that the world will be a better place.  Hopeful that someone will love them back.  Hoping for a happy ending; or even better, no ending at all.

Disappearing Act

You wake up and pulled me closer
I can feel your breath on my neck
I feel unsafe and exposed
But I’ll let you have this moment
If only there are many more to follow

Yet there are never more to follow
And I wonder how far I’ll go until I find one that sticks
I go through the motions fitfully
Convincing myself that I’m ready this time
But you can see it in my eyes
You whisper, “What’s wrong?”

And you recycle me
Because I have been used and am no longer useful
You didn’t quite find what you were looking for
And once emptied, I no longer go with your decor
Left out on the street without another word

So I move on
To drinks and dinner and low expectations
Worried that he’ll want what you wanted
Letting him have his moment as you had your moment
But where is my moment?

I want love like a wildfire
Because I’ve already gone up in flames
Breaking everything in my path
Burning bridges so I won’t be followed
But I want to be found anyway
Because I am a rare gem
Though they never look hard enough to see what their holding
Beautiful in the daylight
Unconventional, but I’ll try to go with anything
Wear me out
Pull me in as I push you away
Tell me the truth
Or don’t say anything at all

I want you to be so aware of my presence that you can’t even sleep when I’m by your side
I know I’ve never slept with you by mine
Always searching for my escape
Constantly running away
Why couldn’t you have just given me something to run to?

So you’ll wake up and pull me closer
Trying so hard to get closer
But you can’t have your moment
I am not your moment
I am the whole damn story
Or a lapse in time

So close your eyes
You’re dreaming
Pull me closer
But I was never here

Moonrise

I watched the moon rise tonight
After I left you
I think maybe moon rises are more romantic
Because forbidden lovers find themselves beneath it
Whereas plain daylight kisses are far too disturbing

But sometimes the moon goes missing
Sometimes it’s much too dark
And maybe we’re like that
Maybe we’ll just fade out
Again

Not Him

God, I feel as if nostalgia is overtaking
My heart as it is  constantly aching
With a love that wasn’t real, it was a joke, we were only faking
When it comes down to it, I’m distracted and it’s You I’m forsaking

I want to say that if he’d take me, I’d say yes
But there’s no point in letting those words leave my lips
Because his grip on me
Is only imaginary

I want to say that he’s someone I could wait my whole life for
But that waiting would be pointless and I’d only waste away
And I know that I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, if he asked me to stay
Because my plans, Your plans, are so much bigger than a joke of a wedding day

I guess I just got excited
I didn’t know I could feel this way again
But I don’t even want to know his thoughts on the matter
Because I need this to end; I need all distractions to cease

It’s not often that I allow my heart to get so worked up
But my mind can’t take it anymore
My heart beats angrily with drums of war
Because there’s no room for unnecessary love, for romance, here

I hate being crushed by a crush and so I refuse to have them
One could say that’s not possible, but my response is always, “for me it can”
It’s time to step back, look away, pretend I was only an adoring fan
My mind needs to win, and it knows I don’t need a man

I must admit, when he wrapped his arms around me I felt I was at home
But my bags are nearly packed and I was born to roam
I refuse to pray or wish that he’d someday call me on the phone
Because I don’t plan on returning, he’ll never be my home

I can’t remember ever knowing what home is
And I can say the same for love
I used to only understand lonely
But I know something so much better, God, You fit me like a glove

I’m not ready for another heartbreak
I’m not sure how this could have happened
When that photo was taken, I didn’t know what was at stake
But sanity is slowly slipping out the door

God, help me find You again
My week has been hectic and long
I’m nostalgic, sad, lonely, and almost mad
But still I am weak, and You are more than strong

Hold me, in Your arms I want to feel at home
Lead me, I will follow, only then my feet will roam
I know Your hand is on me, I will never be alone
God, You are a boulder, and he’s only a little stone