In Conclusion

You may be unaware of this, but I have been unintentionally angry with God for quite some time now.  I’m not sure when it started.  It’s kind of like he’s that friend that you want to be mad at, and then he does something wonderful and you’re like, oh right, you’re actually great, I’m just being a beezy.  So I was mad for a lot of college, but after I graduated and moved to Mammoth and got to spend almost a year just listening to his voice, I fell back in love with him.  I remembered what it’s like to have a good relationship with a loving God.
After I came back from Ireland, which might possibly be the highlight of my entire life, I wanted to move right away.  I tend to try to rush God.  And really, it might not have been God at all that kept me from moving in October.  I stayed for the winter.  And really, it was a fantastic winter.  But I pulled away.  I pulled into myself.  I became someone else temporarily.

Being in Florence, I’m learning to find myself again.  I’m learning to listen again.  But all of this is just digression to the story I want to tell today.

Last Monday I flew back to Nashville from Reno via LAX.  I knew that when I landed in Nashville I would have to get an uber or a taxi to get back to my car, because my flight was delayed so much that the shuttle would no longer be running.  I also knew that I had barely any money left to do this.

On my second flight I sat next to this girl who kept catching my eye.  If you follow me at all, you know that I do my best not to talk to strangers unless they first address me, and even then I get awkward.  I’m not good with small talk.  So this girl caught my eye.  Our plane took forever to get clearance to take off, so we kept taxiing around the runway and I realized that she was editing photos on her phone using the same app that I use.  I always edit photos on planes too, because it gives me something to do.  This is not that strange of a thing to have in common though.
Then (I’m such a creeper) she started going through her music on her phone and picking songs to listen to on spotify.  We have the same taste in music.  Again, not that strange of thing to have in common, except that I listen to a lot of folky indie music.  She started working on editing a short film on her computer, mostly just the title sequence, and I was trying so hard not to watch her as she did this, but I couldn’t stop noticing this girl.
Finally, they came around and asked what we wanted to drink, and I almost always order coke on planes.  It kept running through my mind that this girl and I were cut from the same cord, and then she ordered a coke.  And we both got a second bag of pretzels.

As the flight went on I tried to fall asleep, but God kept speaking to me about this girl.  I felt that if I didn’t write her a note that I would regret it.  So I grabbed my notebook and wrote to her, telling her that God was speaking to me, possibly, and that she didn’t have to believe me and I told her how I never do this and that I would understand if she thought I was crazy.  I told her how I had been angry at God, but I needed to write to her anyway.  I told her what God was saying to me.  I said if she ever needed help from a stranger that she could email me, and I gave her my email.  Then I folded it up and put it on her tray, while she had her head in her hands during the turbulence.  I went back to my music, stared out the window, and tried to fall asleep.

About ten minutes later, maybe twenty minutes before the flight landed, she tapped me on the leg.  She said that the note was exactly what she needed to read, and that I had no idea.  She asked me my name and told me her’s was Molly.  We talked about her school, how she’s in her last semester.  We talked about how she grew up in the south, but she wanted to break free from it, and talked about how I was trying to embrace it.  We didn’t really talk about God.
Molly asked me how I was getting back to my car and I told her that I honestly didn’t know.  She said her mom was picking her up and then they offered to give me a ride.  These strangers drove me the 8 minute ride to my car all because God made me a creeper on the plane.

God is all about connection.  Connection to him.  Connection to the people around us.  I think I’ve been so angry because I’ve forgotten that.  I was so stuck in my own reality, in my own social anxiety, that this connection terrified me.  Really, he just wants us to be able to enjoy the life he gave us, and he gives us the tools to do this.  We just like to do it on our own so often.

In conclusion, once again God has taken care of me.  And once again, I will do my best not to forget it.  He’s great.  You’re great.  I’m great.  We’re all great.  Also, I’m tired and losing my train of thought.

Storm

Sun gives way to rain
Day gives way to night
Lost somewhere in between

Touching the ground for remnants of warmth
Touching souls for glimpses of memories long since forgotten
Roads less travelled are still roads

New paths try to be easier
Yet the old ones are tried and true
Nothing was broken to make this

True strength is found in moments of weakness
Not strong enough to fight anymore
But you have kept from breaking

This soil knows what fear looks like
Rejoicing at God’s constant provision
While eyes only see another storm

Stay inside if you’re still afraid
I’ll be on my way now
There are stories still to be told
And I’m ready to listen

Living Motion

I don’t think I was alive before you
I might have just been living
Because you give me life

I may have been a zombie
A walking corpse
With no purpose to speak of

Yet you still took me
Opening my eyes
Making my lungs breathe

You set my feet in motion
As I swim in the ocean
Of your love

I walk forward with confident steps
Even though I can’t make out what is around the next corner
I don’t need a new navigator

Marching blind
Knowing you’re forever by my side
And you would never let me down

You are my springtime
You are my summer
Changing my seasons in fall, keeping me warm in winter

I have nothing to fear
Sinking in your provision
I trust you with this life

I am yours

Provision

I may have mentioned this before, but God provides.  He provides in lots of ways, and not always when you expect Him to.  Sometimes He provides when you don’t  even think you need it.  My basic theology is that God does what He wants, and it’s not our job to explain things for Him.

Anyway, last August I was going to San Francisco with one of my best friends.  I was close to being broke and my dad was going to loan me some money, but then a $20 bill appeared in an area of my purse that I didn’t usually put cash in.  So that was cool.  A few weeks later I went to the bank to take $20 out, but when I opened my wallet to get my debit card out, I already had $20 in my wallet.  Both of these were miracles that were providing for me right when I needed it.  I couldn’t think of any other way that this could have happened other than God just providing because He wanted to, and because He loves.

Yesterday I was running my last errands in town before I went home to pack up my things to fly to Spokane and also to spend my summer working at camp in Northern California.  I got cash out so I could pay for taxis, food, and parking during my few days of traveling by air.  I got back to my car and drove home.  When I got home I found a $100 on my passenger seat in my car.  No one has ridden in my car, besides my brother, in about a month.  And it wasn’t there when I left town to go home.  My only response is that God gave me money again.  He’s providing at the most random of times.  But this only increases my faith.  It gives me the faith to trust Him when I need Him most, and also the faith that I am going in the right direction with my life.

God’s cool.