30 Days Done

As I’ve said before, every January I try to do 30 straight days of Yoga with Adrienne. I love that she does this every year and it gives me an opportunity to build momentum for the year ahead of me. Today marks the end of January, thus I have done yoga for 30 days straight. (31 days really, because I did yoga on the 1st of the month too, even though her 30 days doesn’t start until the 2nd)

I feel accomplished. I feel like I can do this year right. I have a lot of things planned for this year, some big changes are coming that haven’t been announced yet, and I am pumped. I want to step forward with confidence. I may not get it all right, but I can do it. I am smart and I am capable.

I am setting goals for myself to make myself a better person, inside and out.

What goals are you setting? I’d love to hear them.

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2018

I used to be good at this.  At writing.  At collecting my thoughts and putting them somewhere.  And I feel like I don’t even have thoughts anymore.  I keep trying to be the person I used to be, but maybe it’s time to realize that I’m not.

I never became the person that I thought I would be.  But maybe I like the person that I am even better.  Even though I’m secluded.  Even though I never go to church because I haven’t found one that I belong at.  Even though I sometimes drink too much.  Even though I don’t write enough and I almost never touch my guitar.  I like cuddling my dog.  I like eating dinner with my boyfriend.  I like adventures, and most of my bad decisions aren’t bad at all.

I know that I’m probably always going to wish I had done life differently.  So maybe 2018 is going to be a year of acceptance.  Accepting that I am who I am because of the choices I made.  I am who I am because of who I love and who loves me.  I am who I am because I was created this way.

I’m going to try to take more time for myself this year.  I’m going to try to work on things when they’re still stirring.  I’m going to try going back to school and getting my masters in something that I actually care about, and maybe giving myself a new focus.

I’ll try not to disappear as much or for as long.

But I’m going to stop trying so hard.  I want to be more than content.  I want to be more than happy.

So here’s to 2018 I guess.

I hope my neighbors aren’t as loud this year.

New Year

Wash over me
Waves come crashing, rains come falling down
New waters, refreshing
Drought is ending

The thirsty can drink
No need to thirst anymore
Be renewed in this
Be revived in this

Spring up oh well
Can you feel it?
In your heart, you’re overflowing
What you thought was dry is drenched

Can you see death in the land around you?
Because all I see is teaming with green
This land is alive, well, and free
It has not let you down yet

Welcome to a new year
A new life
Be refreshed
This drought is ending

Resolving to be Stronger

I’ve started running again.  My favorite human and I decided to make healthier choices in 2017, because that’s a cheesy thing that people do, and we’re gonna do a 5k together in May (or we’re planning on it).  So I’ve been running a couple miles four days a week and doing yoga everyday and eating healthier.

Last week I was tired.  I went on one of my longer runs and I wasn’t super motivated, but I knew I had to do it.  I needed to get this run in.  Not long after I started my run, I looked across the street, and coming up the sidewalk, moving the opposite direction that I was running in, was a man in a wheelchair.  He was alone.  And I thought to myself, if he can do it, than I can finish this run.  And I did.  I was motivated.  Because I am strong.

I needed new jeans.  I went to Huntsville with a friend and I was looking for a size for in a certain wash and cut.  I have been wearing a six, but I know that I can fit into a four, so I wanted a four.  I was being loud, in a comical way.  We were digging through the piles of jeans at Old Navy, because I wanted that size four.  I then overheard the girl shopping next to me ask the attendant for help.  She couldn’t find a size 18 short in the color that she wanted.  And I felt bad.  Because I was complaining about not being able to find a four.  I never did find the four, so I had to buy a six anyway.  But they are loose, so there’s that.

I’ve been thinking about how everyday is a new day.  It doesn’t matter how much you eat on one day, you still need to eat enough calories the next day.  Your body resets.  If you mess up on Monday, that doesn’t mean that Tuesday is going to be bad.
A lot of people think that 2016 was terrible, and they’ve given up on 2017.  My roommate has already given in to drinking, when she said she didn’t want to this year.  It’s still the middle of January.
But I’m not giving in.  I’m resolving to be stronger.  Failure will only motivate me.  Doesn’t matter whose failures they are.

Goodbye 2016

I think most people would say good riddance to 2016.  It hasn’t been the worst year, but it’s been quite a year.

I started out the year working far too much and being home not enough and tired quite often.  I was spending time with someone who didn’t value me. I didn’t make priorities of the things that I should have.

In March, I made the biggest decision of my life so far and decided to pack up and move across the country, with no job, very little savings, and no place to live.  But I’ve fallen in love with my home here in Alabama.  I have great friends and my heart is finding somewhere to belong.

2016 will always be the year my mother died.  It’s not fair, how much this year has claimed.  The door is about to close here, and there’s nothing we can do to make 2017 the same.

I want to do great things in 2017.  I want to be healthy again.  I want to be even happier.  I want to adventure and try new things.  I want to learn to save and plan, while still having time to explore.

I want to fall in love with 2017.  Maybe fall in love in 2017.  We’ll see, I guess.

I wish that I had more to say.  There are a lot of words in my mind, but they tend to get stopped before they reach fruition.  So maybe writer’s block is weeds.

Here’s to 2017.

The Last Day of 2015

2015 is almost over.  In some places, it already is over.  And it has been a year, hasn’t it?

I have seen friends get married, and friends have babies.  I’ve had friends find love and lose it.  I’ve found it and lost it myself.  There has been heartbreak and new adventures.  And so much more.

2015 my life changed for the better.  And then for the worst.  I visited multiple countries, saw God do some crazy things, and wrote more than I have ever before.  I fell in something like love.  I let other people fall for me.  I made big decisions.

I traveled California and Oregon twice.  I got what is very easily becoming my dream car.  I moved into my own place for the first time ever.  I learned how to be on my own, and I remembered what it’s like to be truly alone.

So here’s to 2016.  I could contemplate more on the past, but I want brightness.  2016 is for moving on.  It is for green horizons.  It’s for my biggest adventure yet.  Crossing borders, finally.

23

I think turning 23 is the birthday that I have thought about the most.  I’ve dreaded it.  I’ve looked forward to it.  I’ve imagined it for far too long.  What would it be like to be 23?  Even though I think you feel about the same, no matter what age you are.  Yes, sometimes you feel old, and sometimes you feel young; but I feel about the same today as I did yesterday.

A few years ago my friend Zack was turning 23.  And it hit me that Blink 182 once said that nobody likes you when you’re 23.  I found that to be hilarious, and it became a running joke for me about anyone who was 23.  So maybe I thought that nobody would like me when I was 23.

Today, I turned 23.  And it also happens to be my golden birthday, because I was born on the 23rd.  My best friend sent me on a scavenger hunt that ended in a surprise party at one of my favorite lakes.  I don’t think anyone has actually put this much effort into a birthday for me.  I am so grateful, and I feel so loved.  But instead of going out tonight and doing something crazy, I was just tired.
I came back to my temporary home (more on that later), and I took a bath.  I’m going to sleep after I finish writing this, and it’s barely 10pm.  I am getting older.  That’s what 23 has taught me so far.

But you know what?  I like me when I’m 23.  And I know a lot of other people who do.  I’m going to Ireland when I’m 23.  I’m going to get my first real apartment when I’m 23.  I’m going to run more, eat less, and write as if my life depended on it.  I’m going to put myself out there when I’m 23, both in my writing career and in my personal life.  I’m going to take care of myself when I’m 23.  It’s time to be a real adult.  So I’m going to grow up when I’m 23.  I think this is going to be the best year yet.