Body, Mind, and Soul

We are told to love ourselves.  We are told to stay healthy and eat right.  We are told to exercise.  We are told to go to church and to find a good community.  Because all of these things are important.

But I think we get too focused and forget the main point.  Love yourself.

I set a New Year resolution to go running and do yoga four times a week.  And I’ve done great.  My mileage is up, and I am stronger.  I look better.  I feel better.  But I’ve also been opening at work almost everyday and not sleeping the best.  So some afternoons I’m just tired.  And the last two or three weeks I’ve felt almost under the weather, but not quite, so I’ve napped, and then not felt good enough to go out on a run.  My boyfriend tells me it’s fine, and that it’s good to give myself a rest, but instead I beat myself up over it.  It depresses me that I’m so tired, and I’m so tired because I’m depressed.  I keep feeling like if I miss a day of exercise, I will be fat.  I’m terrified to lose my routine again.  It’s like I forget why I’m doing it in the first place.

I want to be healthy.  And it’s so easy to just focus on one realm of health.  It’s so easy to focus on clean eating and an exercise routine, but then forget to nourish your mind and your soul.  It’s easy to get caught up in a mantra of a having a healthy mind, but neglect your spirit and body.  It’s easy to beat yourself up if you miss church, so you focus only on that, but forget that your body is a temple and your mind a control center.

I am one, whole person.  I have a mind, a body, and a soul.  (Some would say I am a soul, but that’s beside the point.)  I’m not going to get fat if I occasionally skip a run because I’m exhausted.  My happiness is just as important as my appearance.  And no one hates me, especially not God, if I want to stay home and sleep in on the occasional Sunday morning.  Church is for community, not salvation, anyway.

Love yourself.  Body.  Mind.  Soul.

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Drive

Long drives on county roads
Tall grass tracing existence
Giving me something to dream on
Noah on the speakers
But it’s God that’s speaking to me
This is church
This is worship
Presence on my mind
Behind me
Before me
At the top of my lungs

I am more myself here
With no one else around
Me, Noah, and God
Truth rings out in this car
Constantly craving authenticity
Believing I am failing at being authentic
Find me here

I have tried to drown myself
In self medication
Living in denial
Waking up to too many empty mornings
I need another drive
I was found there

Please Let Go

Words so cryptic, as if she’s done this before
And she has
Done this a thousand times
Every time terrified
That it will be the last

Rehearsing in her mind
Every moment up to the ending
Although no one else has the script
So it never goes quite right

Her heart addicted
To what comes across as manipulation
Trying so hard to push and pull away
Reeling them in anyway

Don’t tell her to hold on
As you hold on
Hands cut on the brokenness
Please let go

Mistakes?

See it falling
Crashing
Burning
Around her

Everything
She thought she knew
Everything
She once held on to

It is all finished
It’s over now
As her back begins to turn
Her face in the wrong direction

Walking steadily
Until something grabs on to her
Again
She needs to be captivated

Captured by her own mind
Her own mistakes sent her sprawling
Though are they mistakes
If they are purposeful?

Impenetrable

I didn’t realize the crack that I heard
Was the sound of my own heart
Breaking
A sound so audible
Could only be heard
Inside my mind

I have let you inside me
Into my soul
You permeate through my skin
I have been overtaken
Now I feel empty
As the things you say
Without saying anything at all

As an investor
All my stocks in you
Have lost all their value
Losing out
Yet still hanging on
Because although I carry wisdom
None of my decisions are wise

I didn’t know what I expected
But definitely not her
Frizzy and crooked
And so much less than perfect
Although she may be perfect for you
As you are so much less than perfect
For me

I am cruel
Coal that has grown cold
You are hard as stone
Cannot be broken
Because like me
You have been broken too many times before

I softened
Now crushed under this pressure
Turning me into a diamond
Impenetrable

Not Love; Infatuation

Infatuation:
An intense admiration

I am not in love with you
But I find myself infatuated with you
Not quite obsessed
Finding reasons to keep you on my mind

When I first met you, I knew
I knew that I might someday fall for you
Something told me that it would be easy to do
Yet it left me uneasy
And you left me altogether
Simply a visitor here

Months went by
Nearly forgotten
But not quite
Finding you again and realizing that nothing has changed

You should know that with you it would be real
I would never be with you if it was only for a night
It would have to be for a lifetime
You are forever material

You are a risk and a liability
Wondering if you’re worth taking
Knowing that even if you are, I’m probably not

If you would have me
I’d drop everything else
Yet that seems mighty desperate
As I’m desperately infatuated with you