Being an Adult Means Always Changing Plans

A little over three months ago my boyfriend and I packed everything up and moved across the country to my hometown in rural California. Our plan was to stay here for the summer, get jobs, save money, and move to Flagstaff. But with this economy things like that are easier said than done. So we’re still here. Indefinitely.

But I love being home. I’m not complaining. My life has always been up in the air, and I’ve never really known where I was going next until I was on my way. So I’m reapplying for school to finish my masters and seeing what sticks.
I have a good job that I like a lot. Bobby has a good job that he likes enough.

I’m incapable of having a five year plan, because every year my five year plan changes completely. We thought we’d live out our days in Arizona. Before that I thought we’d be in Alabama for a long time. Before I started applying for masters programs the first time around, we didn’t know where we’d end up because Bobby was applying for jobs all over the country. Before I moved to Alabama I thought I’d be in Mammoth for much longer. Before I moved to Mammoth I had plans to live in Portland. I once thought I’d live in England someday for a while.

I’m just not good at making plans. And I used to hate it. Because when I say I’m going to do something and then I don’t do it, I feel like a fraud. But life means always changing plans. At least for me it does.

So if you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing, it’s okay to keep going. If you feel like your plans have all failed, they haven’t. They’ve just changed. Because there’s no way for us to actually see the future and see what option is best. Just know that life can still be good, no matter what your plans are.

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His Idea

Christ is personal
He’s been here since the beginning
First God
Then Man
Two in one
Making me complete
Picking up my pieces
Putting me together
Crafting my very being
Ever since the beginning

Before time
He made time
Living outside of it
Experiencing all of it
And no matter what
He understands
He creates
He saves
He loves, first

Christ is first
Christ is last
Christ is forever

He thought it all up
Existence was his idea
And what a great idea it was
That we get to live and breathe and learn

So teach me
Show me who I am again
Show me who I can be
Created in this image
Built to last forever
From the beginning
To the end

Life in the Snow

So I live in Mammoth, and it’s been snowing a lot.  I got a second job working for the mountain so that I could have a free pass, which means I wake up early everyday and I work doubles almost everyday and I’m tired.  Thus I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I would like to be.  But I thought maybe I’d give a little life update.

It’s snowed a lot almost every week since like November.  My car doesn’t like it that much, but my snowboard does.  I’m not a great snowboarder or a great skier, but I have fun. I’m trying to make the most of this season, since it may be my last.

On March 15th I am moving across the country to Florence, Alabama.  It’s time to do something crazy, and I need to be in a community that betters me and my writing. Mammoth seems to lead to mistakes.  Not for everyone, obviously, but lately for me.  Nothing detrimental, I’m just tired all the time.

But it is nice living near my best friend, even though I never see her because we’re much too busy for each other and have developed different interests.  I still love her.  If I ever get married, she’ll be the one making the goofy speech about living in a dorm room with me.

Ask me questions, because I don’t have much to say.  I want to make my life an adventure, and I believe it really has been one.  So what’s next?

Living Motion

I don’t think I was alive before you
I might have just been living
Because you give me life

I may have been a zombie
A walking corpse
With no purpose to speak of

Yet you still took me
Opening my eyes
Making my lungs breathe

You set my feet in motion
As I swim in the ocean
Of your love

I walk forward with confident steps
Even though I can’t make out what is around the next corner
I don’t need a new navigator

Marching blind
Knowing you’re forever by my side
And you would never let me down

You are my springtime
You are my summer
Changing my seasons in fall, keeping me warm in winter

I have nothing to fear
Sinking in your provision
I trust you with this life

I am yours

Community Living

Something I’ve been thinking about.  Living in community.  It’s something that people talk about a lot, they praise it, they say how great it is, but no one really knows what it is, apparently.

When I was in college, my senior year I lived in a quad that showed me the closest thing to living in community that I have experienced.  We had “quad time” every other week, and it was amazing.  We would play games, watch movies, go to dinner, worship, or just talk about our lives.  We got to know each other.  We prayed for each other.  We listened, and we knew each other.  If something was going on, we worked together to fix it.  We heard each other out.  We worried about each other and we cared about each other.  But we also had our space.
I remember when my grandmother died I went to the house of a guy I was dating, and one of my quad-mates kept texting me to make sure I was okay, and to make sure I was coming home.  She was there for me.

When I graduated from college, I was planning on moving to Portland.  A friend of mine hooked me up with a pastor friend of his who has a communal home and had an opening in August, when I was planning on moving up.  We spoke on the phone and he explained that they lived in community.  They weren’t okay with people just living in the house, they had to be a part of the house.  Food was shared unless specifically stated otherwise.  They ate meals together.
This scared me, having strangers be part of my life.  And it ended up falling through anyway, I didn’t even move to Portland.  But that was living in community.

I am aware of another living situation right now, that people keep saying is living in community.  However, some of the people who keep tossing that word around don’t even live in the house.  There are people in the house that are forgotten, who are not included, and who have no voice.  They  need their space, but it is never given.  They ask for silence, and it just gets louder.  They want to be left alone for a while, but are instead intruded upon.  And whenever they do speak up, they are beaten down and overruled.
How is that living in community?

A community is defined as people who live in the same area, with the same interests, working toward a common goal.
So this house’s goal must be to force people out.
Well, they’ve gotten their way.

Welcome home.