Severing Ties

Severing all ties
Leaving this behind
Answering no more questions
Because I’m exhausted

I don’t have to answer to you
The third degree is draining
As I’ve explained this all before
I can’t say it again

I’m severing my ties with this life
Cannot let it linger on me
Although it might
As it’s torn me apart

Not quite running away
Just leaving
Because it’s been time for a while
Time to fall in love with something new
As I never meant to fall in love with you

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This Time

If dreams came true, I’d have all of it, and you
Because I know it’s hard to understand
Being left behind
When you’re usually the one doing the leaving
Until you’re the one who is left

I’d beg you not to leave me
Until my mouth had run out of words
Yet I’m the one packing my bags
As I leave you behind

I’m sure you’ll be fine without me
Because you always get through this
You’ve been fine
And I’m not even falling apart
Not this time

I Need to Remember

I need to remember how you broke me
Into pieces
Throwing me off the deep end
Only to be brought in with the tide
Brought back to you

I need to remember how  you asked for my heart
Only to hold it too tightly
Crushing it in your palm
Letting the dust blow away in the wind

I need to remember your empty promises
Your lies
Your forgetfulness
Every moment you denied the moment before

But instead I’ll remember mornings
Wrapped in your arms
Leaving you at an hour that no one wants to be awake
And you’re never even angry at me
For waking you up
For holding you close
For keeping you warm
You were my winter

Instead I’ll remember spending too much on dinner
Being too full to move
And too full on life to care

I’ll remember drunken kisses
And drunken conversations
And drunken mistakes
Because for a while, every moment was drunken

I’ll remember loving you
I’ll remember losing myself in you
Trying to leave you again and again
Until this final goodbye
Where you’ll be left behind

Because you’re worth a lot
Just not enough
To let go of my dreams
Only to hold you closer
As you hold me down

So I’ll try to remember your brokenness
That broke me
Rather than everything else
That has made me whole

Afraid

I see it in your eyes
Hear it in your voice
Find myself alarmed
Because I’ve seen it all before
Only in myself

Terrified of what it might do to you
You push me away
Telling me you don’t feel what you feel
We are not what we are
Only figments
Of imagination

I asked for nothing
When you begged for something
Couldn’t push me to stay
As I tried to leave anyway

You latched onto me and held me tight
Now every night turns into a fight
As  you tell me to leave
Then expect me to stay the night

You are running away from me
Still accusing me of running
As I prepare myself for leaving
So I don’t fall

But why can’t we fall?
If only for a moment?
As our timing is off
Let me have this moment
Because a moment with you
Could be worth it

Can we let go?
Of this fear?
I don’t want to be afraid anymore
I just want you

Two-Faced

I forgot how to be myself with you
Actually, that probably happened long before you
And I’m not even blaming you
I’m just wondering where the girl you think you know ends
I’m just wondering where I begin

I’m quirky
And that makes me cute
So I’ll tell you how much I love dinosaurs
Saying if that’s a turn off, then I don’t want to turn you on anyway
But I don’t tell you why I won’t spend the night
Because that’s such a big part of who I am
Do I hide it well?

I worry that if I show you my real self that you’ll pull away
But why would I want to enter a commitment while I remain hidden?
Maybe I want you to know me before I let you know me
But you didn’t stick around anyway
Did you?
So if I had let you know me
Would my results be different?
My heart would be so much more broken than it claims to be

It’s the same whole story
Again and again
As I ask for something you won’t give me
While I almost give in every time you ask
A different face behind every question

Ask me again tonight
I’ll tell you
I’ll change, if only you’ll just stay
Or maybe I won’t at all
Because as terrified as I am of you leaving again
I’m more afraid of facing myself the next morning

So maybe I’ve just forgotten who I am entirely
Keeping myself neatly tucked away
Maybe I’ll let myself out today
Yet I’m so comfortable living this facade
Two-faced
Waiting to be found

The Consequences of Moving On

In commotion we try to rush things
Moving on before things are finished
Abandoning lives before they’ve fully blossomed

There is rhythm in motion
And there is upset if you skip a song before it’s over
This is not a solo road trip

Stop leaving without saying a word
You have built something
Don’t forget that you have a family

No one is ready to let you go
They want to send you off right
A house warming and goodbye in one

Welcome to real life
Where decisions are hard
But we choose to live with the consequences

Leaving Dublin

And I wonder if anything will ever taste the same
I wonder if I should break down and cry right here
Wonder I’m empty or filled
Feeling as if something is missing
When it’s really that I’m sitting in mystery
Wondering what comes next
Wondering where my home is
If it’s time to move on again
Because this adventure is not over yet
This is only the beginning.