Blogging Everyday in July|A Poem About Mass Attacks

I’m sure everyone is aware of the shooting that happened at Pulse, the club in Orlando.  It was a terrible thing to happen.  Any shooting is a terrible thing.  Any mass killing spree is a terrible thing.  And a lot of them seem to happen in the name of something, whether it’s a god someone believes in or something that a person believes that they stand for.  Battles like this are things that I try to stay out of.  My thoughts are controversial for some Christians.
I believe that if I follow the God that I say I do, then my first job is to love.  God loves and accepts his children.  Whether or not we live the way he originally created us to or not is besides the point.  So I choose to love and accept everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender, preference, or religion.  I hope that everyone would act the same toward me, but that’s not always the case.  Not every person knows how to love.

The man responsible for that shooting, it is assumed, did it because he believes homosexuality is wrong.  However, it has since come out that he “struggled” with homosexuality himself.  I put struggled in quotes, because once accepted, sexual orientation is no longer a struggle.  One only struggles when one is resisting something they believe is wrong or sinful.  (In my opinion, of course).  So he hated something he saw in himself.

In saying all of this, after the shooting I felt compelled to write a poem about conviction.  I don’t usually explain my poetry, but there you go.

Conviction
Maybe it’s conviction
That causes so much pain
Believing so strongly that something is wrong
Then finding it within your own self
Must be terrifying
There is either hatred or acceptance
So many choose wrong

This whole world might be broken
Thought it was held together by perfect beliefs
Beliefs that keep getting challenged
It’s not so black and white anymore
Finding more truth in the grey areas than we’d care to admit

How could someone live their life that way?
Is it sin nature?
Or just sin?
Or could it honestly just be nature?
Something we found we hated in our genetic code
Refusing to evolve with it
Resisting until we feel we might just give in
Or give up
Take a gun to your head
Or harm someone else in this wrongful conviction

Quick to Forgive

I don’t hold grudges often.  That’s not to say that I’m not capable of holding them, because I definitely have before; I just tend to forgive quickly.

I have been hurt a lot.  I’ve been wronged.  But I’ve also done a lot of wrongs.  I’ve hurt a lot of people.  Because we’re all humans.  When I screw up, I want to be taken back.  I want there to be forgiveness and for the past to not be held against me.  So I hope that I do the same.

I’ve been seeing someone.  Since November, I’ve spent a lot of time with someone who means a lot to me.  We’ve tried to not make it what it was because I’m planning on moving and there are so many other issues involved that I’m not going to talk about.  For a while he was pushing me for something that I couldn’t give him.  At some point I must have changed my mind, but now he denies ever pushing for that.
So he had a girl visit from out of a town for a few days.  I’ve known that she was coming from pretty much the day that he and I met.  At one point he told me that she didn’t matter to him, but that was apparently just a drunken lie, because he slept with her.
I can’t quite say that he cheated on me, because although we set boundaries, we never really defined our boundaries.  And you know what?  I’ll forgive him.  I’ll take him back.
If I was on the outside I would say a million times how stupid that is.  But there’s more to it.  I care more about the time we still have until I leave than I do about the pain that I am currently going through.  I still want this person in my life, in whatever capacity.
I will forgive quickly, because there is too little time to hang on to anger.

We, as humans, do so many stupid things to each other.  We’re all a bunch of sinners. really.  Yet God always takes us back.  He forgives us so quickly.  He doesn’t hold grudges when we make mistakes.  He just loves us.  And he chooses us every time.

 

So I’m just gonna leave this here.  Because I am far too honest of a person.