When It’s Overwhelming

A truly interesting experience
To step into
Fall into, really
When you don’t know what to expect
And then God embarrasses you
Seeing your heart
Whispering in your ear
What do you have to be ashamed of?
When I have redeemed you
Rescued you from shame

Too much
Too good
Too crazy
And wondering what am I?
Amidst the chords and insanity
I don’t know how to follow this
Can I dwell in this glory?
Can I be free in this?
Or am I locking up my heart and throwing away the key?

The seats are empty around me
Because they all live at the altar
But maybe this is my altar
Making my sacrifices alone

70 times seven apologies
Cities he’ll give you
Cities he’ll take
Even when we don’t want to say it
We belong to him
In him
And he will take us over
If only we’ll let him

Maybe something broke within me
Every time I step a little closer
A little more love spills out of me
Overflowing
I can’t control it
It’s too much
Feeling I’ve become too much
Again

Fell For You

Maybe I fell in love with you the very first day
The 14th of February, when we decided to go out after work
Joking that it was our first date because it was the international day of love

I could have sat across from you for hours
Talking about cars and music and God
But instead I left you early, realizing we were kindred spirits

Maybe it was when you brought my favorite candy to work with you
Saying I could only have it if I promised to stay
Even though you knew that I wouldn’t

It could have been the night we watched Netflix in your room and I fell asleep
And you did too, until I begged you to take me home
And you joked the next day that you’d tell people we slept together

It was probably the night I brought over my guitar
But instead of my music making you fall in love
We told stories of life and death and why we believe what we believe

After that I thought I’d never get over you
Even though I wasn’t convinced I was under you
Struck with the knowledge that there was still someone else

There’s always a possibility that I fell for you the night I asked you about her
And you were so broken and ashamed, even when you didn’t need to be
We drove around for an hour while you asked me what I wanted in a guy, knowing it could never be you

I fell in love when you helped me to breathe again
Even though it meant I had to leave again
While you stayed behind

I knew I was a goner when you told me you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t kiss me
And you didn’t
You ran away instead

My footing was slipping when you said you’d been thinking
That I might be worth trying
Then you changed the rules because you believed I was worth more than this

My heart hit the ground the night you actually did kiss me
Okay with not going too far
Because I’d never been there with a guy before

I was soaring high when it happened again
And we sat on your bed talking about all of our impossibilities
And how they could be possible if only things were different

And then I came crashing down
The possibility of you leaving two months too soon had never occurred to me
And the idea of you being gone forever is just too much for me

So I’ve decided that I never fell for you at all
And that I write an awful lot about love for someone who’s never experienced it
Because maybe I still don’t believe in it

Even though what I feel for you is different than I’ve ever felt before
I’d never tell you so
Because I don’t love you, not at all

Love: Measured

One could ask how much I care, how much I love
But it cannot be measured
Not in inches, not in miles
It just is.

And I want to say that loving is all I know or what I do best
But the falsity in this statement is silencing
Coming over me in waves, I am shown the errors in my ways
Yet I’ll keep going

Being carried ever forward by these feet that walk toward you
Strengthening my gait when I am almost overcome by weakness
I know I’ll catch up again

You’ll wait for me in my distractions and some day we’ll laugh about them
Because these situations really are laughable

And I’ll probably never understand why I sometimes take my eyes off of you
Every time I feel myself sinking in the waves like Peter
Yet you always catch me
I haven’t drowned yet

So maybe make your voice a little louder for a while
Because your delicate whisper is almost being drowned out
Not for lack of listening, I declare
But do I even know it?

I say I’m aware of your forever presence
Only, in acknowledgement, they’d say I am lying
And maybe I am, subconsciously
Because the best thing in life would be to be engulfed in your overwhelming presence as time stops and fades in the background

Be in my foreground
In front of my eyes
The ringing in my ears
A voice singing to me

You sing about me
You write about me
You write songs about me
You tell them the truth about our love as you see it
And you always see it right

So measuring my love is merely a waste of time
As it will always be dwarfed by who you are
But I’ll keep saying it “I love, I love, I love you.”

Through Deep Waters

He could carry me through deep waters
But would I still be afraid of drowning?
Because I know he’ll keep me safe, and in him I am strong
I have every reason to trust him, no reason to fear I am wrong

So why then, do I fear?
What is it that grips me so tight that I can hardly breathe
Is it my own hand clasped ’round my throat?
Or someone else entirely?

I know full well that nothing can hold me down
But it feels like something is holding me down
I could be lifted so much higher
My feet could leave the ground

Yet I just hold his hand
Making sure the earth won’t disappear from beneath me
Like I have some desire to stay here
Instead of finding myself somewhere so much greater

So I will take a deeper breath
And I will break these chains that bind me
He made me to breathe
And gave me strength to overcome

There is no fear left in me
No worry that the sun won’t rise
My heart will not stop beating
I will carry on forcefully

As I walk into this ocean of endless possibilities
He will carry me through deepest waters
There is no risk of drowning
Finding my own island