Disappearing Act

You wake up and pulled me closer
I can feel your breath on my neck
I feel unsafe and exposed
But I’ll let you have this moment
If only there are many more to follow

Yet there are never more to follow
And I wonder how far I’ll go until I find one that sticks
I go through the motions fitfully
Convincing myself that I’m ready this time
But you can see it in my eyes
You whisper, “What’s wrong?”

And you recycle me
Because I have been used and am no longer useful
You didn’t quite find what you were looking for
And once emptied, I no longer go with your decor
Left out on the street without another word

So I move on
To drinks and dinner and low expectations
Worried that he’ll want what you wanted
Letting him have his moment as you had your moment
But where is my moment?

I want love like a wildfire
Because I’ve already gone up in flames
Breaking everything in my path
Burning bridges so I won’t be followed
But I want to be found anyway
Because I am a rare gem
Though they never look hard enough to see what their holding
Beautiful in the daylight
Unconventional, but I’ll try to go with anything
Wear me out
Pull me in as I push you away
Tell me the truth
Or don’t say anything at all

I want you to be so aware of my presence that you can’t even sleep when I’m by your side
I know I’ve never slept with you by mine
Always searching for my escape
Constantly running away
Why couldn’t you have just given me something to run to?

So you’ll wake up and pull me closer
Trying so hard to get closer
But you can’t have your moment
I am not your moment
I am the whole damn story
Or a lapse in time

So close your eyes
You’re dreaming
Pull me closer
But I was never here

Advertisements

Stars, Like Dreams

Stars, like dreams, are something quite different than they might seem
They come out at night, pinholes in the sky
They promise to lead us toward the truth
Yet constantly distract us with little, white lies

Because stars aren’t pinholes
They are a million miles away
Unreachable
Unattainable
Flaming balls of fire that we find oh so beautiful
That we’ll never stop trying

Stars are always present
Pictures of the past
Promises of the future
Though they often go unseen
As the city lights around us drown out the stories above the skyline
While our dreams get lost somewhere in the byline
In chasing them we forget to read all of the guidelines
So here we are, on our knees again

Stars, like dreams, are larger than life
We pick our favorite to keep us warm in the morning
Looking for meaning in the smallest details
Keeping us up at night

Stars, like dreams, give us something to wish on
As we lose sight of the vision
Forgetting to keep moving our feet
Thinking we’ll get there if we just keep our eyes open

But sometimes, on summer nights
Stars, like dreams, are something to look forward to
So grab your blanket
I’ll go stargazing with you

Down in Flames

I feel like losing it all
I feel like dropping everything
I feel like turning around, I don’t belong here
It’s like you tried to stab me in the back
But waited till I turned around
And now my heart is dripping to the ground

I don’t know who you are
Don’t know who I thought you could be
But I know you’re definitely not for me
Can you even hear me?
Do you even know my name?
All I know is that I’m going down in flames

I was trying so hard
Stretching myself too thin
There’s no point in tryin’ this again
I’m giving it all back
Every word I ever promised
Sick of breaking beneath it all

I miss you the most
When my heart is broken
Even though it seems
It’s usually you who does the breaking