More Than

Sense and sensibility
Make me feel so sensible
As I casually stumble through life
Trying to make sense of my circumstance

I have to say I can’t complain
Thought I will find reason to
Every time I fail to trust
Believing I am only human

Yet I am not only anything
Knowing full well we are all more than
More than just a dreamer
Made for more than this

I know I’ll fall again
As I promise to always get back up
Faithfully wading through unfamiliar waters
Holding tight to the hand that leads me

You are all I know
I will never forget that
Even when I try
You make your way into casual conversation

So I will thank you for it
As you keep me up at night
Whispering poetry in my ear
Urging me to keep going

Anointed, I find myself drenched
Covered by a love unfathomable Filled to the brim with stories to tell
Still itching for another adventure

Every new day is a gift
Learning not to waste it
Falling in love with you all over again
More than grateful for this second chance

I have learned to breathe in mountain air
Soaring high above the tree line
Rambling through random worries
Stopping and waiting for new words to come

And they spill out of me
As I overflow
Finding my rhythm
Only when I let go

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Airplane

To the stranger next to me:
I would say
“Why do they say this is our home,
If only for the next five hours?
This is not home
Some of us may be flying to
Some may be flying from
But I do neither
As I’m not yet sure where my home is.”
Instead I say nothing
Staring out the window
At the wing
Where I seem to always find myself
He reads
I sneeze into the swallow on my arm
He says nothing
Not even
“Bless you.”

You Move Me; Overtaken

You move me
And it’s like a rhythm I’ve never known before
Floating on your waves
A current that’s not even tangible
Yet I feel it

Feeling my feet go higher
Lifting off the ground
But not even leaving my chair

You are an out of body experience
And you’re all I want to experience

You are my home
No matter where I might find myself
Every road leads back to you
As my heart keeps on beating
For you

You are older than time itself
Still making every moment new
Champion of rebirth
As I’m dying to tangible infatuations
Because nothing else is real enough
After meeting you

Even with closed eyes I see you
Feel you encompassing every atom of my being
The very fabric of my existence becoming saturated with who you are
Not easily forgotten

You are the light to my darkness
Not easily hidden
Coming up in conversation
Like true love always does

Breaking free of all that held me down before
Knowing that you’re still all I ever needed
I will never be running on empty
Because I am already filled up
With every breath
Overtaken

About Hope

I tend to remember everything.  More specifically, I remember almost every conversation, especially minor ones, that I have with people.  As of late I have learned not to bring up old conversations, because the speaker usually doesn’t remember saying the things that I remember.  But I digress.  

I once had a conversation with a good friend of mine, Aaron.  I was 2.5 years ago, and my mind was still pretty messed up.  I wasn’t sure how long I would be metaphorically “sticking around” then, but I had a little bit of a grasp of what I would do if I got through my ish.  I had an answer for everything, even in my brokenness.  I was pushing people away in a successful manner.  Throughout our conversation Aaron noticed something.  He then asked me where my hope was.  I had no answer.  I had no answer, because I had no hope.  Even though I was in Bible college, doing my best to follow a God who I felt was betraying me, I had no hope.  My hope was not in God, even though I desperately wanted it to be.  

Fast forward a few years to where I am right now.  For church on Sunday we made s’mores and had community time.  We separated into groups around the four separate campfires and we told God stories.  I had on my heart a need to share where I had been and how I got to where I am now.  I talked about how I had always had a plan, and now that I have no plan I am more content than I have been in a while.  My sharing sparked an ongoing conversation, and some prayer and some vulnerability.  One of my roommates, Gus, went on to point something out to me.  He said that it seemed that for a long time I have had no hope in my life.  When I had a plan, I had no hope.  But now, he said, I have an evident hope.  Even though I have no idea what my life holds, I have hope.  

So maybe when I have plans, I put my hope in them.  If I have learned anything in my life though, it’s that if I don’t get my hopes up, they can’t be let down.  Now that I have no plan, I cannot be let down.  My hope is in God’s plan, and not knowing what it is makes life a little bit more of an adventure.  And I want to be in love with adventure.

Witnessing to Witnesses

Have you ever had something happen and wish you had said something or reacted quicker moments after it was too late?  I think most people have.
That happened to me yesterday.  I was sitting in the park by myself because I had a bit of time before I had to be at work.  A man started to approach me and I instantly felt uncomfortable, because meeting strangers usually gives me anxiety if I’m unprepared.  He was about 15 feet away when he says, “Do you want life?  You need to accept the blood of Jesus.”
I looked up at him managed to stammer out, “Um… I already have.  I actually have my degree in–”
He cut me off saying, “Don’t take it personal!” While walking away from me quickly.
I wish that I had asked him to stop and come back to have a conversation.  I have to admit that I was offended that he immediately assumed I was some sort of a heathen when he had only seen me from a distance.  I was also put off by his approach.  We could have actually had a conversation that brings life, and maybe we could have learned from each other.  Instead he made a snap judgment about me while I allowed him to have it.

All of this makes me think how often we make snap judgments about people.  But his snap judgment was more than just that, as he had no information about me to judge.  He just saw a stranger and assumed I was “unsaved” and that he was better than me due to this.  The more I have had these thoughts though, I realized that I often do the same thing, albeit on a different level.  When I make friends from work or meet someone in any place that isn’t some sort of Christian affiliated format, I assume they are not Christian.  However, I do not try to “get them saved.”  No, I am much worse.  I just don’t talk to them about my beliefs unless it comes up in conversation.  It doesn’t even occur to me to ask someone what they think about God or life or death or heaven or hell.  I just let them be and wait for them to ask a question.

So what’s worse?  Assuming someone is a heathen and witnessing to a witness?  Or assuming someone doesn’t care and keeping your beliefs to yourself?