Blogging Everyday in July|A Poem I Wrote on a Plane (No One Knows My Name)

No one knows my name here
I don’t even want to know it anymore
Finding comfort in the anonymous nature I now dwell in

The land forming below me holds no beauty for my eyes
Though I know some still find it sacred
Scattered through with lakes welling up
I stop to wonder where they come from

The anticipation my heart held before I fell asleep
Has been replaced by a new kind of dread
Expecting someone to collect the bounty on my head

I have been a thousand places
Each one unique
Yet I find them all in one another

Just one last adventure
Reminding myself not to hold my breath
Rising and falling with the pressure around me
I never meant to leave my heart behind

I think we tend to expect too much
Ending up defeated when we can’t fall asleep
These decisions weight heavy, but we continue to choose them anyway

I might beg you to hold me close tonight
Just one last time, I need you
As you wait up for me, watching for my figure in your doorway

I fell for you, tripped over who I was supposed to be
I gave you everything, forgetting who I was
I became someone else, changed my fate, my destiny, my name

I know we’re both pleading with our hearts to stop beating
You can’t have my anymore, but  you can have my every time
I was just a notch in your belt, you still wish I was more

Above the clouds now, drowning in your memory
I return, I return, I return
Tightness in my chest as my heart readies for the landing

Almost whole, almost home
Only to be broken
But this time I chose it, I chose you

I know full well that unless I stay, you’ll never choose me completely
It’s a game or it is real
We’re somewhere in between

So maybe this will be the last time
Maybe next time I’ll stay, gone
Begging you to pull me closer as I push you away

No one knows my name here
I don’t know my name here
But you know my name

No one knows my name here
But I’m more than just a name
You might know my name
But you’ll never know me

Transient

Don’t ever settle
Being comfortable can leave you unaware
And I am leading you elsewhere

A transient life isn’t easy
Yet Christ did not have much when he walked the earth
And he transcends all

You see the next destination in the distance
Yet even it is not final
This adventure is just getting started

So collect these broken hearts
Hold them close as your eyes shut
Everything is changing

Be ever ready
Because the next move could be when you least expect it
I am waiting right around the corner

Don’t be so concerned with what you might be leaving behind
You’ll never be leaving me behind
I gave you wings for a reason

You’ll always have a home to return to
Because I am your home
That’s why you’ve never felt fully home
Yet felt home so many places

I am calling you home
Pick up your feet
And follow me

He Doesn’t Even Know It

Sam was on the cusp of an ending.  Really, all she wanted was to give up.  So she did.  And failed.  And tried again.  And failed.  She was ready to try a third time to finish her life, but something changed.  To this day, her friends might take credit for getting through to her.  Or maybe they believe it was an angel that visited her in the night, or that God changed her heart.  Or maybe the drugs she was on finally started working.  And maybe it really was any one of these things, or a combination of all of them put together.  Or maybe it was something else altogether.

Sam met Blaire at a gig she was playing.  She had written a lot of new music while being stuck in her depression, and it was good.  Blaire heard her play and knew he had to know her.  He reached out to her and found reasons to meet up with her so many times.  He purposefully never made his intentions clear.  And Sam fell for it all.
Sam was so excited at this new prospect in her life that her mind was nearly emptied of all else.  Her and Blaire texted constantly.  He would send her a message in the morning just to say hello.  Rarely did a day go by without some form of communication.  But then Sam asked for more.
I mean, really, what should she have expected?  They hung out when she was in town.  They went on drives late at night.  He took her to lunch.  But whenever she got too close, Blaire pulled away.  He told Sam he wasn’t good enough for her.  He promised that she didn’t need a guy like him in her life.  So she finally just gave up.

That was three years ago.  Every few months Blaire and Sam would start up their romance again, but it never lasted long enough to even be called a relationship.  They could have been great, but in the end, it’s best that they settled for what they got.
They don’t see each other anymore, and it wasn’t until a few minutes ago that Sam realized how important Blaire really was.  Because it seems that he saved her.  And for that she is forever grateful.  And he doesn’t even know it.