His Idea

Christ is personal
He’s been here since the beginning
First God
Then Man
Two in one
Making me complete
Picking up my pieces
Putting me together
Crafting my very being
Ever since the beginning

Before time
He made time
Living outside of it
Experiencing all of it
And no matter what
He understands
He creates
He saves
He loves, first

Christ is first
Christ is last
Christ is forever

He thought it all up
Existence was his idea
And what a great idea it was
That we get to live and breathe and learn

So teach me
Show me who I am again
Show me who I can be
Created in this image
Built to last forever
From the beginning
To the end

Breath

It comes rushing in
Like a rushing wind
Like a deep inhale
Filling these lungs
That once gasped for breath

It’s a joy that overtakes
A love that overcomes
A grace that breaks free
A faith holding steadfastly
A mercy that bends rules without breaking them

This freedom rings
A sound resounding
Heard miles off
It cannot be hidden
But why would we want to hide it in the first place?

Hearts are healed
Sickness is destroyed
Promises fulfilled
Forgiveness freely given
The price has already been paid

A life laid down
So simply put
Perfection lived out
Stains removed
Poured into wounds unimaginable

We can focus on the pain
Or we can focus on the gift
Neither is more real
Neither can be returned
But we can be clothed in acceptance

So why not be thankful?
Why not find joy?
What have we got to lose?
It is finished
It has already been done

In the end, nothing else matters
But you never ceased to matter
Every step
Every breath
They’re all worth taking

Arms are open wide
Pulling you in
You can resist
Or let go
Because he’s not letting go of you

He breathes life
Into you
Patiently he’s waited
And patiently he’ll wait
For you to inhale

He’ll come rushing in
Like a rushing wind
With a deep inhale
Filling your lungs
That once gasped for breath

Blogging Everyday in July|I Can’t Remember My Agenda Anyway

I keep telling myself  to write.  Right now, pen words, there are things that need to be written.  You promised didn’t you?  You promised the world, you promised yourself.  You keep calling yourself a writer.  But right now, right now I just want to sit.  I just want to be.  Be still.

I can feel my life catching up with my writing, with all the words I have written before.  And I wonder when it will catch up again.  I have a possibly amazing opportunity waiting for me; I knocked on the door and it is opening, I’m just not sure if they will let me in.  But I keep imagining what it would be like if they let me in.  I imagine it so much that I’m not taking the time to prepare my heart to be crushed.  I don’t have the experience or the degree that they are asking for.  I don’t think I am who they are asking for.  But I want to be more than that.  Because I know I can do all that they ask and more.  I’m just afraid.  I’m always afraid.  I live in fear, I swim in fear, I breathe fear.  But trying shouldn’t be scary.  Trying could change things.  If I don’t try, that’s where the real failure is.  And if I’m not chosen, if they shut the door in my face, that’s really okay.  I’m not losing anything anyway, I just didn’t gain what I wanted.  So I’m trying to train myself to be okay with whatever outcome.  Because I’m always okay.  There is always a bigger plan.  Always a better plan.  Always something happening.  Life churns on around me.

This inner dialogue probably isn’t something anyone wants to read.  Maybe I should have skipped today.  I just can’t quite create what has been asked of me to create.  I have beginning lines of everything, and although the beginning is a hook to draw people in, if there’s no substance behind it, it falls flat.  I often feel that I am falling flat.  And I don’t want to fall flat anymore.  I don’t want to be on my face anymore.  I want to fly.  It’s time to use these wings of mine.

Blogging Everyday in July|About Breathing

About breathing, take a breath.

Tonight we talked about breathing.  We talked about fear.  And we talked about courage.  And if you’ve followed me at all, you know that I talk about the air in our lungs, the breaths we take, probably far too much.  I reference breathing and suffocating and drowning in my poetry far too often.  Because when I am stuck in anxiety it’s almost too hard to breathe.  And I like breathing.  I like air.  I like life.
So here’s a couple more little unnamed poems about breathing etc.

Fear, have no fear
Suffocation, you can breathe
Pounding heart, settle
You were made for this

Wings of doves overhead
Promises fulfilled
Home.  Here.
Enhancing the blend

Community
Satisfying cravings
Whole, unbroken
Anxiety reconciled

 

Breathe every breath with intention
Your thoughts fill your lungs
And you can rest here
On your father’s breast

Every moment is not fleeting
Be aware of your reality
It’s not always easy, not always hard
But it is always real

Welcome to emotion
Holding back, letting go
Drowning in vulnerability
You are safe here

Life is not an accident
Live it on purpose
Take a breath of courage
Take a step in bravery

 

Blogging Everyday in July|A Poem I Wrote on a Plane (No One Knows My Name)

No one knows my name here
I don’t even want to know it anymore
Finding comfort in the anonymous nature I now dwell in

The land forming below me holds no beauty for my eyes
Though I know some still find it sacred
Scattered through with lakes welling up
I stop to wonder where they come from

The anticipation my heart held before I fell asleep
Has been replaced by a new kind of dread
Expecting someone to collect the bounty on my head

I have been a thousand places
Each one unique
Yet I find them all in one another

Just one last adventure
Reminding myself not to hold my breath
Rising and falling with the pressure around me
I never meant to leave my heart behind

I think we tend to expect too much
Ending up defeated when we can’t fall asleep
These decisions weight heavy, but we continue to choose them anyway

I might beg you to hold me close tonight
Just one last time, I need you
As you wait up for me, watching for my figure in your doorway

I fell for you, tripped over who I was supposed to be
I gave you everything, forgetting who I was
I became someone else, changed my fate, my destiny, my name

I know we’re both pleading with our hearts to stop beating
You can’t have my anymore, but  you can have my every time
I was just a notch in your belt, you still wish I was more

Above the clouds now, drowning in your memory
I return, I return, I return
Tightness in my chest as my heart readies for the landing

Almost whole, almost home
Only to be broken
But this time I chose it, I chose you

I know full well that unless I stay, you’ll never choose me completely
It’s a game or it is real
We’re somewhere in between

So maybe this will be the last time
Maybe next time I’ll stay, gone
Begging you to pull me closer as I push you away

No one knows my name here
I don’t know my name here
But you know my name

No one knows my name here
But I’m more than just a name
You might know my name
But you’ll never know me

Nobody’s Story

Nobody’s story is simple
To get to where you are now had to come from somewhere
Even growing in perfection has moments of misdirection
Every stained glass had its broken moments

The one who has it all together had to learn to stretch to wrap their arms around the broken years
The one who shines so brightly in the light has trouble falling asleep at night because of fear of darkness
The early riser, morning conqueror never fell asleep in the first place
The one so quiet and concentrated has learned to gather scattered thoughts to keep from going crazy

We try to put everyone in a box
Believing no one can understand
That everyone’s life must be easy
Because you can watch them breathe while you feel as though you’re suffocating

Things don’t go to plan
Because the chaos of the universe already has its order
As we try to grasp it we fall apart
Developing a story to be told

Nobody’s story is simple
To get to where you are now had to come from somewhere
So tell it

Reborn

Fire fills her soul
Dragon’s breath warming her coals
Heating up her dry bones
Breathing out sparks of gold
She’ll never taste a word

Fruition is what she craves
Failing to remember that planted seeds need time to grow
Her fire has burned up all the weeds
Waiting till new growth springs
Leaves on trees

Everywhere she turns her eyes see green
Remembering promises from a land away
Throwing away who she was on the ground where she used to lay
Running full speed toward the newest game to play

She fell to the floor, broken
Skinned her knees
But those scars are gone now
If only she’ll leave them be

She is fire, water, earth, and air
Elements born from every memory
Find her in the sea
Feel her permanent heat
Know the ground beneath your feet
Don’t forget to breathe

Mystical, unreal
Dragons are only mind’s conception
Yet she’ll stand before you
Reborn