Right Now

I am currently sitting on my balcony, that I just swept off, for the first time since moving into this apartment seven months ago.  It is November 1st and it is 82 degrees outside.  Back home it’s 35 and they’re getting ready for the soon coming opening of the mountain for this winter season.  I have to get ready for work in fifteen minutes so that I’ll be there on time.

This forest behind my apartment is not silent.  Not the way Mammoth was.  Almost every second something is stirring.  It’s autumn, so leaves are constantly falling.  And I’m certain every step I hear is from a deer or a squirrel making their way around.  It’s like magic though.

My life has changed drastically in the past year.  I’ve probably changed too.  I’m fairly certain I’m not the person I was last November.  Maybe I’m better.  Maybe I’m worse.  Maybe I don’t like who I am.  But maybe I’m trying to.

My heart is as restless as it always is, but I think I have found a home.  I think I’m learning what life is supposed to be like.  I think I’m finding who I am.  And I think I’m okay with any mistakes I might make in the meantime.

Living Motion

I don’t think I was alive before you
I might have just been living
Because you give me life

I may have been a zombie
A walking corpse
With no purpose to speak of

Yet you still took me
Opening my eyes
Making my lungs breathe

You set my feet in motion
As I swim in the ocean
Of your love

I walk forward with confident steps
Even though I can’t make out what is around the next corner
I don’t need a new navigator

Marching blind
Knowing you’re forever by my side
And you would never let me down

You are my springtime
You are my summer
Changing my seasons in fall, keeping me warm in winter

I have nothing to fear
Sinking in your provision
I trust you with this life

I am yours

Best Day

I asked you to tell me about your best day
“Tell me a story,” I said
And you say you have nothing
That although your life exists of days, months, and years
You have no stories for me
You have no best day
And as much as I want to make this molehill into a mountain
I’m finding I might have to agree

Because I might not have a best day either
And maybe days can’t be used to measure greatness
So tell me about your best moments
And I’ll tell you mine

In a moment of pure brokenness, when Michael came to find me and drove my car with one hand
When Aaron said I was the best poet he knew
The time Erika and I went to see dinosaurs and fell down laughing because the penny didn’t roll
When I went more than 100 miles an hour in Long Beach on a first date with a guy who wasn’t right for me

I’ve fallen in love with every memory of Michelle surprising me with more dinosaurs
And all of our late night drives
And how the two of us could be completely alone together in silence, basking in pure contentment

When Rachel found out I could sing
When Pete found out I could write
When Felicia fell in love with Noah Gunderson

Every adventure with Anu is something I can look back at and smile
From autumn leaves, to winter frost, to driving to her first gig
Praying for healed backs in Costa Rica and seeing blind eyes opened

And there are so many more that I could try to mention
But I have some best moments with you, too

When you joked that I needed to be your best friend
When you decided I was an angel
Every time we made dinner
Every time I almost feel asleep at your house
And the one time I did

Doing donuts in the snow
Holding my hand for two seconds in a music store
The first time you kissed me after I tortured you through the movie
And every moment after

Maybe someday I’ll find a new best day
But you can have these ones for now
Because I’ve already said all I can say
Tell me about your best day