About Hope

I tend to remember everything.  More specifically, I remember almost every conversation, especially minor ones, that I have with people.  As of late I have learned not to bring up old conversations, because the speaker usually doesn’t remember saying the things that I remember.  But I digress.  

I once had a conversation with a good friend of mine, Aaron.  I was 2.5 years ago, and my mind was still pretty messed up.  I wasn’t sure how long I would be metaphorically “sticking around” then, but I had a little bit of a grasp of what I would do if I got through my ish.  I had an answer for everything, even in my brokenness.  I was pushing people away in a successful manner.  Throughout our conversation Aaron noticed something.  He then asked me where my hope was.  I had no answer.  I had no answer, because I had no hope.  Even though I was in Bible college, doing my best to follow a God who I felt was betraying me, I had no hope.  My hope was not in God, even though I desperately wanted it to be.  

Fast forward a few years to where I am right now.  For church on Sunday we made s’mores and had community time.  We separated into groups around the four separate campfires and we told God stories.  I had on my heart a need to share where I had been and how I got to where I am now.  I talked about how I had always had a plan, and now that I have no plan I am more content than I have been in a while.  My sharing sparked an ongoing conversation, and some prayer and some vulnerability.  One of my roommates, Gus, went on to point something out to me.  He said that it seemed that for a long time I have had no hope in my life.  When I had a plan, I had no hope.  But now, he said, I have an evident hope.  Even though I have no idea what my life holds, I have hope.  

So maybe when I have plans, I put my hope in them.  If I have learned anything in my life though, it’s that if I don’t get my hopes up, they can’t be let down.  Now that I have no plan, I cannot be let down.  My hope is in God’s plan, and not knowing what it is makes life a little bit more of an adventure.  And I want to be in love with adventure.


Life Update… of sorts

I don’t blog much anymore.  I write poetry/spoken word a lot, but I don’t often blog.  But I really did start this blog to blog, although I like poetry much more.  So, I am giving myself a new agenda.  Every Tuesday a new piece of creative writing will go up, whether it’s poetry or a short story etc.  On Fridays, or in this case, Saturdays (whichever day I get to it really) I will blog.

Why do I want to do this, you ask?  Because I’m spending my summer interning in Eureka!!  I am so excited.  I’ve never been that far North in California, and I’ve never been to Washington or Oregon, which I also plan on doing during my time off.  I want to blog about this, so that it is recorded.  But also, I want to blog about some other recent happenings.

I went to social last night.  That’s the dance my school puts on every semester.  I don’t usually go.  BUT IT WAS AWESOME!  I’m still super tired and I’m being rushed out the door to help photograph a baby shower, but I’m still glad I went.  My date was the best ever, and my friends will forever be the best ever.  Hopefully.

I’ll hopefully get into a better blogging mood next week.  ttfn