Living A Carless Existence

Two weeks ago Bobby and I uprooted again and moved to San Diego. It has been a big change already and sometimes I get scared that we won’t survive, but I’m trying to be positive, because overall this change is probably for the best.

Between the two of us, there is only one car. Bobby works within 2 miles of where we live, so it is very easy for him to take his bike or walk to work. But sometimes he has to work at a different location, which is more like 15-20 miles of where we live. We decided that, since the bus routes don’t go all the way to his second work location, that I can take the bus sometimes. In order to save money, I want to try to take the bus or my bike most days, but I have to get in better shape for that to happen.

So on Friday I decided to be brave and take the first step toward living a carless existence. I took the bus, which is $6 for a day pass, so that he wouldn’t have to take a Lyft, which is $40 one way to his other work location. As I was gathering my things and going out the door I remembered that I would need keys in order to get back into the apartment when I got home.
I successfully made three bus changes and didn’t get lost or have an anxiety attack the whole way to work. I was so proud. Then Bobby called me. He didn’t know where the car keys were. We used to have two sets, but his went missing a month or so ago, so we’re down to one. Our one car key is on my set of keys, which I had grabbed as I went out the door to catch my bus.

We were stuck. Bobby had to take a Lyft anyway, which means my effort to save us money had actually cost us more money. I’m still mad about it.

You Come in Close

You come in close
I can feel your breath on my neck
Breathing your life into me

You come in close
Loosening these chains that bind me
Watching my shackles fall to the ground

You come in close
Lifting me to my feet so I can stand with you
Preparing me to run

And we’ll run
You take me on a wild ride
Over mountains, through valleys, crossing streams, conquering deserts

You come in close
You take me on endless adventures
And let me rest when I grow weary

You come in close
You carry me out of the holes I dig for myself
Teaching me not to fight anymore

You come in close
You piece together my aching heart
You make me whole again

You come in close
Wrap your arms around me in restoration
Your warmth is unmatchable

You come in close
And it’s like magic without the tricks
And it finally all makes sense

You come in close
You love me as your own
Because that’s exactly what I am

You come in close
And I can feel you

Within Love’s Grasp

Within love’s grasp
We can rest
We can dance and sing
Wait and see
What this brings

Love pulls you in
Love holds you close to its chest
Lets you feel those heartbeats
Reminding you that love is alive
And love is for you

Close your eyes
You don’t need to see the future
To know that love will still be there
Holding you in its grasp
Taking you on countless adventures

Because love is adventurous!
And love has got its eyes on you
Love has dreamed about you for so long
Waiting for the day you would be within its reach
Just wanting to grasp you

Love understands you
Stands with you in freedom
Cries over any bondage
Fights for what is right
Desires better than the best

Love has got you
Within its grasp
And will hold you there
So you can relax
And be loved
Finally

In the In Between

Somewhere in the in between is where we’re living
Something  between friends and what comes next
Somewhere between secret adventures and just secrets

Terrified of the potential pain here
Between missed opportunity and committing too soon
Between the disappointment that comes with no and the publicity that comes with yes

In the privacy of these walls revelations happen
Between these sheets, new truths are told
And we’ll stay here, in between deception

Honesty and intimacy are holding hands now
Somehow finding safety in this insecurity
As we’ll live here, somewhere in the in between

Time Passes Differently

My mother died almost two months ago.  I’m not really sure where to go from here.  But I have some thoughts.  I always have some thoughts.

I spoke at her service.  I wrote a poem and shared some thoughts, along with a poem that she wrote more than 30 years ago.  It was something personal.  Not something I planned on dwelling on.
But people keep asking me to send it to them.  People keep asking for copies.  And I don’t even have it typed up.  I’m not sure that I was planning on typing it up.  Not for a long while.  I feel like asking that of me is a bit insensitive, isn’t it?  I write a lot of things.  Why is this the one thing people keep bugging me about?

So anyway, after all of the mess, I’ve decided to put it here.  Here’s a poem.

 

There is pain
And there is peace
Pain for something lost that words cannot do justice
Peace, because there is no more pain

Songs are sung freely now
Lungs are not aching for breath
Mountains are climbed with ease, now
No need to stop and rest

Adventures can still be had
She’ll go with you still
With every new experience
Delight is more than real

It’s okay to laugh
I’m sure she’s laughing more
In fact, she’s probably dancing now
Her feet never touching the floor

There is a freedom to be basked in
A joy, lighter than air
A truth in her heart she can finally know
The promised land she always dreamed of

I’ve heard time passes different now
So while we’re down here mourning
She spends no time waiting for time to catch up
Saying “I’ll see you in the morning.”

We have pain
She’s in peace
Words can’t do this justice
But remember her peace, now, as she learns to dance in the rain