I've been having a hard time. This past year has been hard. I switched antidepressants in September, and that helped my mental state for a couple months, but now things have only gotten worse. My poor husband has been such a rock to hold onto as he's helped me deal with my constant ups and …
Category: depression
This Isn’t What We Were Promised
I'm pretty sure this isn't what we were promised. I'm pretty sure we grew up watching people succeed. I'm pretty sure we watched our role models have strong friendship groups, paying for expensive apartments with not great jobs, and then eventually getting the dream job because of random connections. We were promised there would still …
Everything Is Hard Sometimes
So, I got engaged 2 months ago. And everything has been a whirlwind. Because I'm getting married in February, and that's 3 months away and I don't know what I need help with but I feel like everyone has an opinion. But it's our wedding. It's my and Bobby's wedding. So the only opinion that …
It’s the Patient’s Fault
It's been three years since cancer took my mother's life. She battled with cancer for ten years. She went in and out of remission. She sought God. She prayed for healing. She prayed for wisdom. She prayed for guidance. She got treatment. It worked. But cancer is a bitch. It's pretty good at finding its …
Common Sense
My mother always said that common sense didn't exist, because it's not common. Everyone grows up differently and develops their logic based on the kind of mental training they have the opportunity to learn through. So I'm getting kind of tired of people being berated for not using their common sense. I watched a supervisor …
Names, Dates, Mates, and Babies
I used to go to a prophetic church and participate in prophetic ministry. I honestly miss being surrounded by a prophetic community. But prophecy can hurt people way more than it can help people, especially if you're giving an unwarranted word to someone you don't know, who doesn't want it, and you're wrong. I had …
7 Years
I was just reminded that I have had this blog for seven years. Seven years of rants. Seven years of poetry. Seven years of channeling my depression online. And I used to be good at it. I remember when I was in college, sometimes I would get so creative I would post twice a week. …
Truth and Lies
When I was fourteen I got a phone call from my mother after school asking why I was telling rumors about Jessicah. For most of my freshman year of high school, Jessicah had been my best friend. I don't remember exactly why Jessicah had turned on me, but I do remember she and a few …
I Thought We Were Done
I've disappeared a little. At least I feel that I have. Sinking into the floor. Sinking into my work. Sinking into a life that I'm barely living. So I think I'm ready to be done with this. Next month I have an interview to get into grad school. I've been listening to a lot of …
Perfect
It is really hard to be perfect Even if I was made that way I really wasn't made that way Born too soon into a broken reality Everyone's eyesight is skewed And mine is too Perfection isn't what I strive for Because I know I'm more than mediocre I am more than meets the eyes …
