I feel bored and overwhelmed at the same time. I forget sometimes that I moved across the country and established a life here all on my own. I think I forget this because I’m not satisfied and I miss home.
I had a dream the other night that I was trying to get my old job back in Mammoth. I dreamed that I moved Bobby out there and we were trying to figure out a way to afford a big enough place for his studio. But that was just a dream. I have no plans to move back to Mammoth, and in all reality, I would probably feel almost as complacent there. The only difference is that I would have a community that I some how took for granted when I lived there.
I’m looking for a new job. Most people know this, but I guess it’s time to make it public. I’ve been depressed where I’m at for some time now and I haven’t found a satisfactory way to make myself happier there. I haven’t gotten any bites anywhere else yet though. I feel so confused as to where my path is right now, but if I look back to my past, things have always worked out the way their supposed to. So I have to believe that things will work out again.
I’m trying to get myself used to school again. It’s hard and not hard at the same time. I just haven’t retrained myself to set aside time in the right way. I feel like I used to have far more time on my hands. Where do all the hours go?
And I have to do this group project with no information, so that’s not stressing me out at all.
I decided to go back to therapy. I’ve had exactly one session. But how can I be a licensed therapist if I can’t even take care of myself?
I’m doing my best. And my best probably looks pretty good to a lot of people. But it feels like it’s not enough a lot of the time. But I guess that’s what depression is.
Hello my old friend.