I’ve been on a hiatus for longer than I ever have been. I haven’t written. I haven’t posted. I feel like I haven’t existed much at all.
I got into grad school. I’m supposed to start in the fall. But I have to register. And in order to register I have to figure out my financial aid stuff. I feel like I’ve gone back in time. I should know how to do all of this, but I don’t even remember how I did it the first time around. I’m pretty sure my mom did it all for me. But I don’t have her to help me this time around. And I know I can do it. That doesn’t make me any less afraid.
Last month was Mother’s Day. It was my second Mother’s Day without a mother. I wanted to not focus on it being a holiday at all. So Bobby and I went to visit someone who I had been wanting to visit for quite some time. We went up to Nashville and had lunch and exploring with JJ Peterson, who was the Dean of Students for three years of my college career. JJ is one of the funniest, freest people that I have ever known. He’s deep and real and inspiring. We had hot chicken. Bobby got to see a different side of my life.
A week and a half ago Bobby and I returned from a nine day road trip. We went to Mule Days in my home town in California. We visited my dad and my home and I wish we never had to leave. I miss living out west. I miss the dry air.
We stopped in Flagstaff, Arizona, and we’re pretty sure we found where we want to end up some day. I dove into a big blue hole in Santa Rosa, New Mexico. We found the infamous Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, Texas.
I’ve always loved road trips. But I love them even more with Bobby. I love having a forever person like him.
We don’t have it all figured out. But I’m thankful that we get to figure it out together.
When I was home a lot of people asked if I’m still writing. I felt like I’d let everyone down when I said no. And I don’t even have an answer for why I stopped. Have I forgotten who I am? Have I forgotten everything? Or have I just disappeared a little bit. I can’t make myself be more inspired. But I can learned to be disciplined again. I can learn who I am again.
I’m not making any promises though. I’ll try to ramble less. Or maybe I’ll just try.