I’ve always divided my life into themed years. I think it’s because my birthday is so near the start of school, so I refer to time in semesters, rather than whatever year it actually happened in. Age doesn’t matter at all, but it has always mattered to me. It used to bother me when people I enjoyed were so much older than I was. Even months people had over me seemed like monstrous gaps. As I’ve gotten older, years and age seem so much smaller. Someone can be several years older, or younger, and it’s as if we’re all the same. Though age is but a number, it also gives me something to pin down. 23 was the year I learned to like myself. It was a year of adventuring on my own. It was a year of chasing my dreams. It was unforgettable.
But 24. The song says that nobody likes you when you’re 23. I’m 24, so you can like me again. This year the song is less known. The song says that I’m not who I thought I was 24 hours ago. 24 I am finding myself. I am learning who I am. I am coming into a recognition of who I was created to be. I’m not restricting myself anymore. I’m doing what I love. And I’m going to learn to do it as a healthy person.
I wanted people to like me. I’m learning that they love me. I am learning to be loved. I am genuine. I want to be surrounded by genuine artistry. I want to be known. Actually known.
I talk a lot about celebrating life, but I don’t always do it very well. I focus on the negative things that have happened or that I have done. I focus on the negative in the decisions I’ve made. I’m not an optimist because I’m afraid to be one. But you know what? I don’t care anymore. This life is mine. I have done a lot with it. And it is not over yet. I’m still writing my story.
I am thankful, this year, for all of those that love me. I am thankful that I am loved. I don’t always feel loved, but that is my own flaw, not a flaw in those that love me. I am surrounded by safety. I am a blessed human. I have people who love me in my brokenness. I have people who love me in my mess. I am taken care of. I am not lost, but I am found.
Here’s to 24.