Hello. I am a single human. In that I mean that I am a human and I am single, but also that I am only one human, not multiple. I got asked to blog about being single, and I think it’s because my group of friends is mostly from the “singles” group at my church. That’s so weird to say, by the way.
On a side note, when I was in college, my friend Karina was part of a church in Pasadena, and the young, college aged group was called the “singles” group, and we thought it was so weird and hilarious, but not that I’m out of college, I realize I can’t be in a college group. So it’s young adults, but my church has a young married people group too, so this one is the “singles” group. Haha. Laugh with me.
Anyway, my friends are mostly single, even though some of them might be starting relationships soon. We love each other, and we’re content with where we’re at, I think. I know I am. And that might really be true for the first time in a long time.
For a long time I’ve joked about singleness. I’ve laughed at myself, but on the inside wished I could change it. Then, the last couple years or so I’ve had multiple guys in my life, but none of them were serious enough about me, even though my heart kept going farther than I wanted it to, so I kept getting crushed. And occasionally I’d do the crushing.
One of my old flames texted me last week saying he missed me, even though it’s been so many months since we’re spoken. I told him that he was just being lonely. And I told him that I don’t want to be lonely, I want to be content being alone. And I think that’s what I am. Not just because there’s no one in my life right now that I really want to be with, but because I love my friends, my lifestyle, and figuring out my life the way it is. I like that I’m becoming a healthier person. I think I just needed to purge all of the pain out, and dating is one of those things.
I’ve heard a lot that as soon as you stop looking, you find someone. I don’t want that to be true. Because then, when you stop looking, you start looking. All of the fun adventures that I would want to do on dates, I can do with a group of my friends here, and it’s a thousand times more enjoyable.
I want to be in love with life again before I fall in love with a person.
A lot of people believe in soul mates, or believe that they’re only half of an entity until they find their other half. But I want to be whole and unbroken. I want to be desired because I’m independent and following my dreams. I want my heart to be full. And I’m getting there.
So yes, I’m a single human. That’s exactly who I’m supposed to be. That’s exactly who I want to be. And that is the end.