The other night I slept in my car at a rest area alone, for the first time ever in my life. I’m not going to say I wasn’t scared or lonely, but it was an adventure.
An hour or so earlier, I was driving through Utah, and I saw a sign that said “Dinosaur footprints at Johnson Ranch, next right.” So I got off the interstate and followed the signs. However, I had just hit the time change, so the place was closed by the time I got there. I bought myself ice cream at a gas station and drove until my eyes couldn’t see well anymore. After dusk, it’s often hard for me to see, so I don’t feel super safe driving in unfamiliar places all the time. Never really realized it was an issue until now, but I digress.
The next day I set out for Denver. I had reservations at a dinosaur themed hotel for two nights, and one of my oldest friends lives in Denver with his girlfriend, so I knew it was gonna be a good stop. On my way I saw a sign that said “Dinosaur Museum.” So I decided to try this spontaneous adventure thing again.
It was open. It was tiny. I paid $9. But it was so worth it. I don’t know why, but dinosaurs give me such a simple joy. It did delay my getting to Denver and dinner until 6:30/7pm, but who cares.
I met up with Cristian and his girlfriend and we had dinner. It was more than good to see a familiar face. I went back to my hotel and slept. I wanted to relax and sleep in for once.
I got up late and set out for the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. I saw dinosaurs and went to a history of chocolate exhibit.
I drove to downtown to wait for Cristian to get off work. Two strangers told me I was beautiful. I decided Denver was kind. Cristian and I got dinner and struggled to find my car. I took him home and we said goodbye.
Today I really slept in. I drove into Kansas. After 5 or so hours of driving (with stops) I started to feel weird. I took myself to a movie, which wasn’t as good as I hoped it would be. I was feeling very uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to drive further, so I got a cheap motel room and I currently feel very stupid and alone.
I am further from home than I have ever been alone. Saying goodbye to Cristian meant saying goodbye to the last person that I’ll see in a long time that knows me. I wasn’t afraid for this adventure at all. But now I am. Because now there really is no turning back. Now, if I made the wrong decision, I won’t know where to go or what to do. I can’t just call my dad if my car breaks down. I can’t expect my brother to come rescue me from a snow storm, or for Michelle to be able to watch a movie and just be with me. I have to make it on my own now. And even though I know for sure that I can do it, I am suddenly terrified. What was I thinking? Why did I do this?
Oh right, I was called. I followed God. I followed my heart. I’m crossing things off my bucket list. I’m making life an adventure. I just wish I didn’t feel so alone and stupid.