So I’ve been thinking about doing this series for a couple weeks now. There were just a few minor setback, which is why this is getting posted today, as opposed to last weekend. See, on the road, it’s much harder to find time and wifi in the same moment. Anyway…
Let me catch you up. Last Friday I said goodbye to my home, my friends, and my life in Mammoth, and I packed up my car and set off across the country. Except I went to LA first to say goodbye to few friends before truly beginning my trek east.
I have been excited for this adventure for such a long time. I wanted to move all the way back in October, so I was not sure why I had waited so freaking long. I love traveling. I love following my heart. When I’m doing the right thing, nothing else bothers my heart… So I thought…
I wasn’t sad at all. So many people would say how they were going to miss me, and though I knew for sure that I was going to miss my friends and my job and my lifestyle, I knew that it wouldn’t be enough to change my mind. I wasn’t sad yet. I wasn’t homesick yet. I don’t even really get homesick.
So on Friday I made my rounds. I said goodbye to Michelle, Jacob, and Gus, my old roommates and some of my best friends. They prayed for me. They were excited for me. We only got a little emotional.
Then I went to say goodbye to someone else. Someone wrong for me, but still right for me. Someone who I have spent far too much time with in the past five months. He was still lounging in bed. We talked for a minute. I hugged him goodbye. I kissed him goodbye, and I left. Then he begged me to hang for a half hour, to watch a show or something. To just be together for a little bit longer. So of course I did. And when it was finally time for me to actually go, we both fell apart. I cried into his shoulder. I apologized so many times. I don’t think either of us thought it would be so hard to let go.
So that pretty much ruined my next few days. Seeing friends in LA just made me fall apart more. I kept telling myself that I cannot turn back. Not yet. I need to do this. And I am not afraid.
There is so much more to that story, but my heart is not ready. It might never be. Love is such a complicated thing. And life is such a complicated mess that I’m not even sure why we keep trying.
So I’ve said goodbye. I’ve said goodbye to everything I’ve known. I’ve embarked on a crazy adventure. I have broken my own heart.
But I’ve also seen a lot of dinosaurs, so there’s that. I’ll keep you posted. And I’ll be less emotional and more on time next time.