11pm

You are fickle
Inconsistent
Asking only for what I can’t give you
Forgetful
Always breaking promises
While it’s always my fault

You make me feel bad
About my schedule
Because what I do doesn’t matter to you
Unless you’re there with me
Spending the night
Not even seeing what is right in front of us

I am worried that I’m not the only one
That I will spread myself too thing
Only to find there was never enough of you to go around
Losing out to someone better
Feeling forever inferior
Although I am superior
To who you think I am

I am not the girl
Who you can call at 11pm
On random nights
Expecting me to come over
Because you’re a little drunk
When you’ve never seen me in the daylight

I am not the girl
That you can use
Again and again
Saying you want something more
Your words never matching your actions

And I wonder
Because I gave in once
Have I given in forever?

I want more
I want what you promised
I want sushi and drinks and snow when I wake up
I want  your arms to be my arms
Your heart to be my heart
I want to trust you with everything
But I can’t
And I have nothing for you anyway

Yet I still want you
While I beg for nothing at all
You’ll never find me on my knees
I’ll never come crawling back
Until you ask

Because maybe I want to be used for a little while
Maybe it’s nice to be wanted
As long as I know I don’t need you
I’ll answer your 11pm calls
Your 1am come overs
Your 9am goodbyes
Doing my best to leave you wanting

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