I get two kinds of crushes, neither of which is very often or very serious.
I get crushes on people who are my friends, but maybe not super close friends. People who I spend time with and enjoy talking to, and could possibly have a future with if we wanted to make it work. But nothing ever changes. I don’t ask them out, and no one would ever know I even liked this person. Sometimes my closest friends know, but that’s not even always true. The person in question never knows. And I would never know if any silly feelings were reciprocated.
These people are usually safe. They’re usually Christian. They usually make me laugh, and I don’t usually have feelings of any sort for them when we first meet. They’re not usually who I would picture in my mind as someone I could be with before I get to know them. But really, these are the kind that are better.
I also occasionally get crushes on people that I meet only once or twice. People that I hardly know. People that I was just introduced to and clicked and thought they were really attractive. These people usually flirt with me. We talk for a long time and go on adventures with our mutual friends. But usually they don’t live here. Or I don’t live there. And our friendship literally only lasted a few days. But these crushes are so exciting. Thinking about them gives me butterflies. I get giddy when I find out that they think I’m cute too. They probably know that I’m interested, but I’m not forward enough to ever actually say anything, even though I really have nothing to lose.
I know so many girls that talk about who they like, but I never do, at least not with anyone who knows the person in question. What is so bad about me telling the mutual friend that they’re friend is hot? Would they really judge me?
A month or so ago I was sitting in a pub with a friend of mine who is a few years older than I am. He said that it doesn’t get easier as you get older. He said that saying what is on my mind about my feelings for a person does no harm. It’s not a bad thing to take risks. So what am I so afraid of? Am I honestly going to be single forever? Probably not, but I should really stop being so silly.