As a Planner

As a planner, let me tell you a little something about plans
They change
And that might sound a little strange
Maybe as you’re hearing this you’re thinking, “this girl does not have her life together”
And that might be partly true
But in the best way possible, I have learned to just. let. go.

See, I knew where I was going to college three years before I enrolled
As for actually having a clue, I was at the top of the polls
So when the sands of time began to shift, I refused to acknowledge them
And I. began. to sink.

I would hold onto failed relationships, because I said they were forever
I would hold onto my future, even as I watched it crumble
I couldn’t dare let someone see me stumble
I was nothing, without my word

Every change made me feel like a liar
I became unable to promise anything at all
I began. to fall. apart.

Broken in pieces from my crash landing, somehow, I was found
They picked me up, helped me pull myself together, put my feet back on the ground
I became brave, strong, and full of ambition
Not sure who I would be or where I would go, my plans changing every minute

Eventually, time caught up with me, and I realized this was no way to live
It was time to dream again, plan again, do again
So I thought, and I prayed, and I thought, and I prayed, and I figured out a direction for my life
I would work, save, and move around, instead of settling down and becoming someone’s wife

But work started and my heart grew uneasy
I watched my life fall apart again
Calamity struck my family in a way I couldn’t ignore
And I knew the only thing I could do was open a new door
And just. be. there.

Living 45 minutes from my childhood home isn’t somewhere I ever wanted to be
Not knowing what is next sure doesn’t sound like me
I was the girl, forever looking forward, never dwelling in the present
But now, instead of worry, stress, and fret, I am simply content

So plans usually change
But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make them
Don’t pull away, or forget who you are, just remind yourself to remember
That things rarely end up as we expected
But we can still keep our expectations high

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