Things you should know before you date me

I’m a fairly strange person, and I don’t often have people interested in me… but here’s some things a person should know before they decide that they’d make a good boyfriend.

I won’t compromise myself.  I plan on moving to Portland, or somewhere else, but definitely out of SoCal.  I want to write and pursue my dreams.  I’ll probably be poor.  I might not make it.  But I can’t settle down and plant myself somewhere.

I might have a hard time trusting you, even if you give me every reason to trust you.  I might feel like you’re ignoring me.  I might feel like you don’t like me, even though you really do.  I might push you away, but show me that I don’t need to anyway.  I might get antsy and uncomfortable; don’t let me break up with you just because I’m annoyed.

I like going on adventures, especially free ones.  I might get anxious if it feels like things aren’t going exactly as planned, but that’s okay, because you’ll be there.  I’d rather do something fun then go to some fancy restaurant any day.  Plus, then I don’t have to be fancy; I’m not fancy.

It’s hard for me to have deep conversations.  If you’re doing something that’s hurting me, it’ll be hard for me to tell you.  We might fall apart because I’m too scared to tell you how I feel.  I’m shy about what goes on inside of me, but it’s easy for me to write it down.

I’m… pretty freakin’ weird… the weirder I am around you, the crazier I am around you, the more comfortable I am with you.  If I can talk to you for hours, that’s perfect.  If we can sit in silence and be content, that’s perfect.  If I can laugh, and make you laugh, that’s perfect.  Please don’t leave me because I’m different.

I won’t make out with you in public.  I just won’t.  Don’t even try, because I get uncomfortable even holding your hand if I think people are watching.  Physical affection is hard for me sometimes.

I set boundaries for myself, but talking about them with you will be nearly impossible, because I am incredibly awkward.  Don’t push my further than I am capable of going, but don’t let me stay closed up and awkward.  I need to learn how to be vulnerable.

I only want to feel safe.

 

Sorry I’m so awkward…

 

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