I was you

You might not see it, but I’m crying on the inside
My voice might not be breaking, but my thoughts are.
This outer shell is a mask I wear to let you believe I have it all together
When beneath it I am a falling apart broken mess.

Can I tell you about my temptations?
Can I tell you that they’re here, with me, most of the time?
Can I tell you that it’s sitting on my desk waiting for me?
But will I go there again?

I saw you tonight.
I saw you breaking in front of us all
But I know better than anyone else that it’s okay to be broken
Because that’s not who you are

I was broken this afternoon
On with phone, I was broken
Because I am terrified of falling apart again
I am terrified of being stuck here
I am terrified of becoming that person I was
But let’s just leave this on the shelf again

Sometimes I don’t have the words to say
And that’s okay
You can store them and save them
They’ll come out on a rainy day

I could stay waiting in the dark for you
I know I’ll never sleep again
So what’s one more hour for a stranger
The words I have for you might not help anyway

The words I have seem heavy
But I’m so used to carrying them; they are feathers
Hold them loosely
But never forget

The pounding in my head is screaming at me again
I hate you I hate you I hate you!
But I’m a survivor
I’m a survivor

I’d write my life away
But would it matter?
If I could know that I’m making a difference
Maybe things would change

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2 thoughts on “I was you

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