Blogging about my Predicament

I am in a predicament.  It’s probably one that most college students experience, but it is still a predicament.  I have to decide where to live.  And more than that, I have to decide what to do with my life.  Ugh.

I have a couple options.  Sort of…
My roommate interned in Massachusetts over the summer and helped them develop a residency there.  If I did that I would have a host home for the first year and they would give me $4,000 a year for loans, just for working in the church there.  And I would be able to find a second job.  It’s in Foxboro, which is half an hour from Boston, which has a lot of good spoken word clubs, meaning a lot of opportunities for my writing.  But the east coast is not calling my name.
Since last summer I have been thinking and dreaming a lot about Portland.  Not for any reason, since I’ve never been there, it has just been calling my name.  I met some pastors from there who sort of planted a cell church, which is a unit of house churches all under one name.  They were called to Portland to love the city and to disciple people there, and that is exactly what they have been doing.  If I went to Portland, I could team up with them, but I don’t exactly have any job prospects.  I know that there are a lot of good poetry clubs there as well, and Portland is all about artistic opportunities.  I have dreams of discipling people in Portland and loving people and introducing them to Jesus.  But I don’t want to work in the church.
I wonder if God is calling me to Portland.  I’m worried that it is just an idea in my head, and that if I go I’ll fail.  But life is about risk isn’t it?
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day.  We went to go to a poetry club which ended up being closed that week, so we went to get boba instead.  Whilst drinking our boba we talked about our futures.  I told her my Portland dreams and Massachusetts opportunities, and how I wonder if God has an entirely different opportunity for me.  She proceeded to tell me that my Portland dreams line up perfectly with what her a group of her friends want to do… in Portland.  They are all a year or so behind me, and she thinks I’m supposed to pave the way for them.  We had goosebumps.  She was sure our closed poetry club predicament was God bringing us together.  I want to be sure of that as well, but I can’t trust myself.

Why do I assume that my dreams can’t be from God?  Should I move to Portland?  Should I take the residency in Massachusetts, or somewhere else for that matter?
So you see my predicament?

I feel like God wants me to finish my book and try to publish it.  I feel like if that is successful that my loans and everything will be taken care of.  But I am afraid that I am telling myself this, rather than God.  Why can’t I trust myself?  When God talks to me about other people I know it’s Him and I give them the words, but when He talks to me about me, I’m never sure if it’s Him.  I just wish He would use someone else to give me answers.


2 thoughts on “Blogging about my Predicament

  1. Hey Sara!
    I sounds like you’ve got a lot you’re sorting through, which is understandable. I remember the end-of-college, looking-for-future-opportunities season of life as one of the most stressful, and one of the times that truly cannot be rushed. God’s planning something that will take you to the next level. It’s hard to wait to find out the next step, especially when you’re transitioning from the “school world” where you plan everything and get by (seemingly) through your own hard efforts, to the next phase which comes only by God’s provision, grace, and timing. But this time, more than others, will prepare you the most for living a life of ministry (especially if you’re thinking non-traditional ministry), because for the rest of your life, you’ll only get to know a little of what’s up ahead at a time. But I praise God for you, Sara, and what He’s got planned. Don’t be afraid of the future, for our God is already there. Embrace it, and rest in Him until you know what the next step should be. And above all, don’t let fear of choosing the wrong thing stop you from stepping out. In those times when we may have made the wrong call, we fulfill our commitments, and trust in a God who is big enough to turn everything around for His glory (which is our eventual aim, anyways). You do have power in your decisions, but not as much power as God has-and He’ll work everything out, always.
    Love you,

  2. Hey Sara!

    I have found that often God speaks to us in our heart when we shouldn’t have any reason to move that way. I had never been to New England/ New Hampshire before I moved here but I knew that I was called. The question of what if I failed and what if I was wrong loomed over my head but I realized something. What other time in our lives will we be this young and this free to fail? We are in our twenties, single without too much responsibility. No other time in our lives would it affect less people by failing. So when I realized this I prayed one simple prayer. “God, if this is what you have for me then I say yes. Open the door and pave the way because I’m all in for what you have. If you want me to go, I’ll go… just send me.” He will show you where to go if that is your heart. Love you lady and so excited to see what God is going to do!


    P.S. In my selfish desires I wish God would send you to MA but Portland sounds about right for you! ❤

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