Battlefield

Sometimes I can feel it coming
The darkness bites me, grabs hold of my ankle
It takes everything inside of me to shake it loose before it swallows me whole

I cannot let my light go out
I cannot let my fire die down
But I am powerless
This war inside of me does nothing to promote peace

Constantly I am reminded that I stand in the aftermath
But the flashbacks grow stronger everyday
I cannot let it win
I will not be eaten alive

New place, new people
They do not know who I used to be
It’s like PTSD, I might lash out at any moment
How do they not sense the danger lurking?

The child inside of me whimpers
Cries of terror shake my core
But on the outside, the quakes are mistaken for laughter

When the air stops coming
And gravity grows stronger
I find myself on the ground again
In a pool of my own misfortune
Because I never learned how to fight these battles on my own

Should I let this secret war escape my lips?
Will I be turned away in shame?
Left out on the curb like garbage
It’s the home I’ve grown to know

Spinning freely
Gasping for breath
I awake, drenched
I will never be opened, because I lost the key

The task ahead of me seems impossible
But I’ve come too far to turn back
Temptation to give up is pointless
Yet crossbones still fill my mind

Consciously waiting for the crack in my sanity to break open
The floodgates grow weaker by the second
There is no cement left to fix the leaks in my dammed heart
It beats down the walls; they will break

Holding my hands together
Fingers breaking in my own grip
Ripping apart seams that were never finished
Threadbare and waiting

I am a rock
Not strong enough for foundation
Breaking down into minerals
The light glints off me in the morning
At dawn, I shine

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