I’m interning in Eureka for the summer. I’ve been up here for two weeks, living with a host family, and it has certainly been an adventure. Eureka’s climate is different than any that I have ever lived in before, but so far I like it. The people are interesting and I have made some friends.
There is one thing that I have noticed though, and it is not something that pertains only to Eureka. People want you to make yourself at home. In the house I’m staying at, I have been instructed to make myself at home. At my pastor’s house, I must make myself at home. Every house I’ve visited, the host has told me to make myself at home. I don’t think I’ve been at home anywhere.
Growing up, I’ve always lived in my room. I didn’t do much outside of my room, and when people are around, I aim to make as little sound as possible, apart from playing music. I walk quietly through the house. I quietly get dishes and food in the kitchen. I quietly set my glass down on the counter. I don’t want to disturb.
I do the same thing most places I stay or visit. Unless other people are already in the room I try to be silent. If I know I’m the only one home, then I can relax, but I still don’t “make myself at home.”
Maybe this is why I like to move around so much. I have been described as restless. I like to leave. This could be why I avoid relationships, why I can’t keep a steady boyfriend, and why my longest relationship was long distance.
I like change. The three years it’s been since I cut my hair have been difficult, because I like to change my hair. I’ve still dyed it, and I still look for different ways to change it.
My style changes frequently, and the people I hang out with the most change as well. I’m not good at holding constants. Why?
How does one truly make themselves at home? Where is my home, really?