Saying Goodbye

We said goodbye today.  I think this time it’s for good though.  I took her home and I held her close to me.  I wonder if she could feel my heart breaking.  I wonder if she knew how badly I wanted to kiss her one last time.  But I knew this was the right thing to do.  I never told her I loved her.  I hope she knew that I did.

When I first met Ann, I thought she was beautiful and shy.  I could see the affection she carried for me in her eyes.  She’d come into the local coffee shop where I worked, but never order anything.  Luckily my boss never noticed, or else I would have had to ask her to leave.  She’d sit at the couch, or a table if the couch was taken, and pretend to read, while secretly watching my every move.  I knew she wasn’t reading, because one time I caught her with the book upside down.  One day I approached her and said, “Hi, I’m Jason.”  That was the start.

Our first date, I took her on a picnic.  I made turkey sandwiches and brought tupperware filled with chopped watermelon.  We sat on a blanket at the park under a huge oak tree.  That was the day I learned she didn’t eat meat.  She laughed playfully me, and offered a walk around the duck pond.

That night she asked me to go dancing.  I was never a dancer, but I went anyway.  I wanted to understand this girl who had pranced into my life on a whim.  My two left feet were quite obvious the entire night, but she invited me over afterward in spite of it. That was the only time we ever went dancing.

The next morning I returned home, overjoyed and unable to understand my feelings, or this door that I had opened.  I called her that afternoon.  She visited me at work, still never ordered anything, and we had dinner.  I wanted to make Ann my girlfriend.  I never managed to get the words out though.

Ann and I never spoke much.  Most of dating relationship was spent watching mindless tv, reading books together that the other had recommended, or making out in the backseat my Jeep.  Sometimes she’d stay at my place, but usually we stayed at hers.

I’ve known Ann for five months, but yet I don’t feel that I know her at all.  I tried, but every question was answered with a kiss, rather than information.  I craved her; I still crave her.  I never knew people could be this addicting.  I love her, and I might never stop.  All good things must end though, right?  She was hazardous to my health.  I rarely slept, rarely ate a balanced diet, and I lost everyone I knew.  I was as if my entire world crashed down around me without me ever noticing.  When I did, I knew it was time.

And so we said goodbye today; for the last time.

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