I’m just going to type out a bunch of random facts about me; anything that comes to mind. It may come out poetic, but that’s not the point. These are some things that I wish people knew, but I rarely have a reason to say, and most of them aren’t really explainable; they’re just really real.
I don’t like when people think I have feelings for them. It doesn’t matter if I do like them or if I don’t like them, I get really awkward and it’s almost impossible for me to be around them, let alone be their friend. I used to not be able to hang out with people who expressed feelings for me either. No wonder I don’t have a boyfriend.
I thought about being a vegetarian. I gave up meat for lent, and now that that is over, I thought maybe I would just be a pescetarian. If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a vegetarian that eats fish. But I was sitting at dinner the other night, and I realized how much I don’t like labels. I don’t want to limit myself from occasionally eating foods that I really enjoy simply because I am trying to fit into a certain label. And so I am an omnivore, but I just don’t eat meat that often.
Going off of my hating labels rant, I do have one label that I will keep. I am a Christian, and that’s not a secret. I go to Bible College and I try to have everything I do be for God. I am where I am because He put me here and I’m good at the things I’m good at because He gifted me with those things. However, I don’t expect everyone I talk to to see eye to eye with me on my beliefs. I don’t believe in shoving Christianity down the throats of every sinner out there. I don’t think we have a right to make someone else believe what we believe, and I don’t expect those who are not Christian to live under the same guidelines that I live out, because they don’t believe what I believe. Telling someone they shouldn’t be gay is wrong, if your reasoning is that it’s wrong because God says it’s wrong. You can’t tell someone that God doesn’t agree with their actions if they don’t believe in God. That will just make them less likely to believe in God. Are you tracking? I think it’s better to just tell people what you believe, and maybe explain why you believe it. If they don’t agree, oh well, you tried. Maybe they have a better belief. I want to be open to hearing what other people believe, while still holding strong to my salvation.
I am a writer. In fact, I am in love with writing. I write because I’m good at it; I write because it keeps me sane; I write because I have to. If you go back a couple months in my blogs, you’ll see a definite change in who I am and the way I write. I think Christ has definitely influence that.
As a writer, I am a lover of words. Which is why I don’t understand why some words are “bad” or “off limits” for certain people to say. That’s right, I don’t care if people cuss. I don’t often curse, but I have been known to let shit spill out of my mouth on a regular basis. Cursing makes me laugh. I think that if someone is swearing as a habit, or as a filler word, that might not be okay, but filler words are kind of stupid anyway. And I’m not going to swear around the people who might be offended by it, but I honestly don’t see any reason to avoid saying certain words simply because someone has slapped me with the label of Jesus freak. I’m not sure that I’m making sense right now.
I am manic depressive and I’m not on drugs. I usually have it under control though. I used to get anxiety attacks a lot, but until recently, I thought that I was passed that phase of my life. I have come to realize that I might always have them occasionally, but maybe it is just something that I will have to deal with. Depression is the thorn in my side, but is something that I have learned a lot through. I had an anxiety attack on Tuesday and I couldn’t go to work. It’s still a little bit hard for me to breathe lately. But I think I’m getting better; I’m going to be okay.
I want to travel when I graduate. I want to tour and do spoken word. I don’t know if that’s possible, but that’s what I want to do. I want to help lost people to be found, and show young people that it does get better, that they should keep holding on.
I have so many stories in my head, and I hope to someday write them down. It’d be great if I could publish a novel, or maybe a collection of short stories. I think a lot.
I don’t have a lot of friends, but I have a lot of friends. No, you didn’t read that wrong. A lot of people know me, or know who I am, and consider me a friend. However, there are very few people who I am comfortable enough with to ask them to hang out, or to tell them anything about me. In fact, it’s really hard for me to talk about myself. But 2013 was supposed to be a year of vulnerability for me. I don’t really know how to be vulnerable, and I don’t know what I can do to make myself more vulnerable. If you’ve gotten all the way to the end of this list of nonsense, maybe you should shoot me some ideas of things I can do to allow myself to be more vulnerable. That is if you have any ideas. Maybe you’re like me, and you have no ideas at all. Maybe you don’t know how to be vulnerable either. What can we do?