Something happened today in chapel. A spoken word artist was the speaker. Her name is Hosanna Wong. I haven’t been so shaken up, so impacted by a chapel in a long time. Granted, I don’t get to go to full chapels often anymore, because I work a lot, but that beside the point.
My life was changed, or rather my direction. I have to do what I’m passionate about, even if it’s not as popular as maybe music or photography. I am a writer, not just a song writer. And I’m not a novelist, I’m a poet. I have been since I was a little girl. I used to make up poems and little rhymes all the time when I was young. But I stopped as I got older. Looking back, I realize I never actually stopped. My journaled conversations with God as I was getting saved and as a new believer were all poetry. I wrote psalms like entries that were only for me and only my eyes will ever get to read. But I did it. That’s who I am.
My senior year of high school we did a poetry unit in my AP English class. That was the first major spoken word spark for me. My English teacher was amazed at what I could write and what I could convey with my voice. But he didn’t really encourage me to keep going, and I didn’t think it was something I could do for my life. I was passionate, but afraid. And slowly the flame dwindled to a small ember.
I kept writing and my summer when I did Impact at Old Oak Ranch, one of the other interns did poetry slams and she made me want to keep writing. But still the flame was barely growing.
Fast forward to a year ago, in my speech class at Life Pacific College with Carol Shelton. I started writing spoken word as my speeches, because I was good at it. I loved it, but I still didn’t see how it was something I could share.
Jenny and I went to PIHOP (Pasadena International House of Prayer) toward the end of last semester. They prophesied over me about my writing. That was when I knew I wanted to be a writer. They said that I was made for things like spoken word because of my voice and the way I say things. I just saw myself as a writer and loved what they said. I didn’t remember until today that spoken word was something they had said specifically.
And so, this is what I’m going to pursue. I don’t know what it will look like yet, but I want to make it part of my ministry, whatever it is. One thing Hosanna said to me while we were hanging out (yeah, we hung out afterward in the pastor’s suite that she’s staying in) was that God gave me a gift; to not share my gift is selfish. If I’m not sharing my poetry because of fear, that’s just me being selfish. And that goes for everyone, not just me.
I’ve decided, I’m going to stop putting extra time into my music. I’m not going to stop playing completely, but I want to really pursue writing. And my blog can’t be about me and my depression and my rants and complaining. God can’t heal me if I hold on to it. It’s time to let go of my past. My blog will be for small parts of my life, and all of my writing. It’s time I stepped into the life God has called me to, even if I don’t know what it looks like yet.