There was once a time when I felt I belonged, that I had friends that I could count on and who were there for me. Where did that time go?
Maybe in high school I thought I had friends that were there for me, because I didn’t need them the way I need them now. I had the people I could count on far away, and the people I could spend time with near by. But now I have neither. I am constantly forgotten.
A girl today came up to me and said, “Sara, I feel like I haven’t seen you all weekend.” I realized later that I never spend time with this girl. She hangs out with the people I thought I could count on most, but I feel that she has replaced me. I don’t have the ability to trust or bond with anyone the way I need. I just need Jesus, and I know that. I need friends who are going to bring me closer to him.
On a different hand, I have a fear of even becoming close to anyone. I am half way done with school, and I have no one I can count on. If I find someone to count on now, we’ll be leaving each other, and in two years, nothing will be the same again. My closest friend will be gone in a little over a year, and that terrifies me. What’s the point in developing relationship if it’s going to end? I’ve often heard it said that people build their strongest friendships in college, friendships that last forever. That saddens me, because I don’t have any lasting friendships. When I leave here, I think my back will be turned. Why would I want my strongest friendships to be with people who never remember to invite me to their adventure times?