What is the Point, Really?

I need clarity.  I need a voice.  I need ears.  I need a mind that is not my own.

I have no one to hear me.  I have no words to say.  I don’t even know what I would say.

I wish I could this last year of my life over.  I would have stayed away.  I would have never agreed to the drugs or the doctors or the shrinks.  What was the point?  How did that  help me at all?  I’m still in the same place.

I just want to scream.  I want to yell at the top of my lungs and hope that when tomorrow comes there will be no tomorrow at all.

I feel abandoned.  I know I’m not abandoned at all, but that’s how it feels.  And the worst part is that if I tell anyone at all, it just makes me a burden again.  There are so many people that say that they are here for me, but it’s just not right; because I don’t know what I need.  I DON’T KNOW WHAT I NEED.  So I don’t see a point.  Why would I say anything to anyone if they were just going to worry.  Or worse?

Maybe they should just lock me up in a mental hospital, because I’m insane.  Everything I write is bipolar.  Up and down and up and down, I’m on a roller-coaster.  Normally I love roller-coasters, but when life throws me through these loops I just feel sick.  Kill me now?  Is that even a question?

Well I can’t do anything tonight.  I’m too afraid of failure and a life of pain to do anything tonight.  But I know there’s a way.  There’s always a way out, I just need to find it.

DOES ANYBODY HEAR ME?!  If there is anyone at all, just help me.  Not that I’m worth saving, but I can’t be this person anymore.  I can’t BE anymore.

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