I need clarity. I need a voice. I need ears. I need a mind that is not my own.
I have no one to hear me. I have no words to say. I don’t even know what I would say.
I wish I could this last year of my life over. I would have stayed away. I would have never agreed to the drugs or the doctors or the shrinks. What was the point? How did that help me at all? I’m still in the same place.
I just want to scream. I want to yell at the top of my lungs and hope that when tomorrow comes there will be no tomorrow at all.
I feel abandoned. I know I’m not abandoned at all, but that’s how it feels. And the worst part is that if I tell anyone at all, it just makes me a burden again. There are so many people that say that they are here for me, but it’s just not right; because I don’t know what I need. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I NEED. So I don’t see a point. Why would I say anything to anyone if they were just going to worry. Or worse?
Maybe they should just lock me up in a mental hospital, because I’m insane. Everything I write is bipolar. Up and down and up and down, I’m on a roller-coaster. Normally I love roller-coasters, but when life throws me through these loops I just feel sick. Kill me now? Is that even a question?
Well I can’t do anything tonight. I’m too afraid of failure and a life of pain to do anything tonight. But I know there’s a way. There’s always a way out, I just need to find it.
DOES ANYBODY HEAR ME?! If there is anyone at all, just help me. Not that I’m worth saving, but I can’t be this person anymore. I can’t BE anymore.