I Have a Plan, but I Won’t Tell You

I feel like life’s a climb (cue Miley Cyrus song here).  That was supposed to be clever, not serious.

Or really, life’s a journey.  And I know it’s all been said before, but there are mountains and there are valleys.  I’m not sure which one is supposed to be positive; mountains are hard to climb and cold on top, but there is always the remembrance of the valley of the shadow of death.  Anyway, where is the middle ground?  And when will these ups and downs end?

You see, I was forced onto the drugs of crazy people; at least, that’s what I believe.  In all reality, it was my choice, but it was not a wise one on my part.  A couple months ago, my doctor decided to switch my drug to something stronger.  A couple days ago, I realized that I am just done with this whole dependent lifestyle.  I stopped taking said drug, and three days in, I was dying.  I feel like I experienced a small portion of what drug addicts go through during rehab.  I felt like a drug addict.  I was nauseous and got sick multiple times.  I ended up caving and am still on these things for the crazy.  I looked up what would happen, and apparently this is a drug that’s almost impossible to get off, because of the active chemicals etc.  My friend Aaron suggested I wait until September anyway.  I think I need a new doctor.

I went around this whole circle, and forgot who I was.  I know I say that so often, but it’s so very true.  I wish I could go back to when I was fifteen, or maybe some other time, and fix things, change them.  (My stomach is still squirming.)

And so, I have a plan.  I am still challenging myself to go through with it, and I have figured out a day and time, but it is there in my head.  I know the only necessary way to really fix everything and forget all that has happened, the only real way to leave this all behind me.  Life goes on.  It always will.  Any time I say anything like this to my beloved, plantonic friend, Jared, he freaks out.  Freaking out is never the right way to go.  This is a call to be calm and to continue on.  Remember where your life is, that’s what I’m trying to do.  Remember where your faith is, mine is in Jesus Christ.  And realize that is best for you.  My plan will change things, but I believe things need to be changed, for the better.

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