So tired…

I am so tired of being tired.  I can’t even wake myself up anymore, because I’m always tired.  I slept 10 hours last night, and I’m still freakin’ exhausted.  I’m pissed.

I’ve let myself get into this lazy rut where I’m not even close to being tidy and I lag on my homework.  I haven’t even been writing every week.  And I know I’ll come out of it, but I’m just sick of it.

I want to be done.  I know that there is like 2 weeks left of school, but I’m still so tired.  I need to force myself to put effort into it, but it’s just so hard.

I had my heart set on an internship in Illinois this summer, so sure that they would accept me; they didn’t.  I’m terrified of going home, but I feel like that’s my most likely option.  I was offered a possible internship at my church here, but I don’t think I’m going to get to do that one either.

I can’t go home for another summer.  I’m terrified that I again won’t have a job and that I’ll have to try to keep myself happy at home.  I won’t be able to pay for gas, and that town just depresses me in general.  I’m not saying that everything about Bishop is bad, but I can’t be happy there; trust me, I’ve tried.  I wasted 18 of my life in that little town, and I can’t handle it.  I can feel the spiritual oppression as I hit the valley line, but no one believes me, no one understands.  I am getting along with my family much better, but can I trust that to stay if I have to see them everyday, if they have to deal with me everyday?  I can’t do this.

On the bright side, Mary is back in the states.  She surprised me 2 weeks ago and it was the most delightfully confusing moment of my life.  I am amazed that she loved me so much to spend months concocting a surprise plan like that.  She is the best person in my life.  I love that I can see Jesus in her, and that I helped her to see Jesus when she couldn’t find him.  She told me that; that

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