What do I feel right now? Completely content. I am not content with everything in my life, but I feel good. I just do.
This week has been great. Not every part of it, it’s true, I still have had my depressing moments, but overall, it has just been good. Sure, Thanksgiving was awkward and my first Black Friday shopping experience was horrible and not something I ever plan on doing again, but I feel numb to everything that should be killing me right now.
On Saturday, I got to watch two of my good friends join together in holy matrimony, ready to start on a new adventure that is their forever entwined lives together. It was beautiful. That’s all I can say. I haven’t been to many weddings in my lifetime, and I am just reaching the age where my friends are getting married, but I am completely okay with experiencing them. However, I do not want to get married, not anytime soon. Right now I am completely content with being single. There is no special man in my life, and I can’t say I want there to be one. If someone does decide to enter my life, they better be ready to pursue me, because I’m not about to get my hopes up just to watch them get torn down. I am enjoying my freedom.
This week I am learning that many more people care about me than I could have ever known or realized. A lot of people want me to get better. They know that I should not have to go through life believing that I should be dead, even if I don’t always agree. People truly are walking through this trial with me. I got to go to coffee with a new friend, had an offer and a fulfillment of said offer to help me set up a new doctors appointment without getting my insurance messed up and having someone to go with me, and I got invited to a “girls’ night” at the house of a friend with whom I have not spent much time with. I am starting to feel loved. And it is oh so good.
I just got back from the best Christmas party of my life. Although it is true that I hate Christmas, I love great food and white elephant gift exchanges. I won Green Plagues and Lamb, what could possibly be my new favorite children’s book. I plan on saving it to read to whatever children may enter my life, whether my own or a friend’s. I am so excited for my life right now.
Everyone deserves to feel this numbing bliss. God has given me this new joy as a gift. I must find a way to share it.