In the Library

I’m sitting in the library waiting for my pal, Jake Jackson, to return, as he asked me to watch his stuff.  I am slightly peeved because he’s been gone a long time, but I have also had some time to think.

My mind has gone everywhere.  I’ve slightly stressed myself out by thinking about how much homework I have to do this weekend because I work tomorrow and will be at retreat and on Sunday I have church and then work and I’m just wondering when I will have the time to get it all done.  But at the same time, I feel as though I am unappreciative of all that I have here at this school.

I go to a school that has two majors, and they are both Biblically focused.  I feel welcome and comfortable here, and I have friends that are not only saved, but treat me right and actually care that I exist.  I am barely paying for school, but God is providing; my parents are helping me, I’m applying for many scholarships, and God has blessed me with a job that I love.  I don’t have to be afraid here.  I know that no one will hurt me because I have disappointed them.  I know that God put me here for a reason much bigger than simply getting an education.  Life Pacific College is allowing me to grow in a way that I never would have, had I gone to Vanguard or any of the other schools that were recruiting me.

I don’t think I could be happier had I gone to another school, or not gone to school at all.  No, I don’t have a boyfriend, but for one of the rare times in my life, I could care less.  I don’t need someone to love me, because God already does.  I am so thankful that God has saved my life and allowed me to be used by Him as a light to the broken.

Most people don’t know this, but when I was fifteen, I wanted to kill myself.  Right now, I should be dead.  However, God had different plans.  He showed up and forced me to live.  A couple months later, He saturated my heart and I accepted Him as my savior, knowing that He did not expect me to be perfect, and that He could use even someone as messed up and broken as me.

I desire so much to grow closer to God.  And it sucks that, even after all He’s done for me, I sometimes take everything for granted and allow myself to be distracted by the stupidest of things.

Thank you, Jake Jackson, for leaving me alone in the library.

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