“What would Jesus do”

Said as a statement. Not a question.

I was work the other day and a man came and found me and asked for help with the patio furniture. He asked how big of a box this big wooden outdoor chair would come in. Unfortunately, the only one of those chairs that we had in stock was the display, so the box question was irrelevant.

I radioed my manager and was informed that I could not sell a display this early in the patio furniture season. Haha. Retail, am I right?
So I gave this information to the man and his wife, but I let them know that we would be getting more in the future, so they would be able to come back at a later date or order the chair online.
And the lady lost. her. mind.

“Why can’t you sell me this one?!”

“Because I can’t sell the display this early in the season. We just put it out. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand why you can’t sell it to me!!!”

“Her manager just told her over the radio that she can’t sell it, I heard the conversation.” (Her husband)

Then the woman starts saying, “What would Jesus do. What would Jesus do. What would Jesus do,” to herself.

And I could think was that Jesus would not lose his mind because a chair was out of stock. In fact, he was a carpenter, and he was perfect, so I’m sure he could easily make a significantly better chair. And I’m sure he could find a much better use of $230 than spending it on an outdoor chair. And if the chair was so necessary for his plan, he would probably send his disciples out and give them instructions about talking to specific people with donkeys or something and they would be sent on a wild goose chase and eventually be gifted the perfect chair.

It always blows my mind when people try to show how holy and Christian they are by mentioning Jesus in the same breath as being super rude to someone. Jesus got angry at the money changers in the temple, and he often mocked the pharisees, but other than that I’m pretty sure he wasn’t rude. He especially wasn’t rude to those he was going to buy something from. American Christianity, especially in the south, is so annoying to me sometimes.
Sure, go ahead and live your life with the WWJD motto. I have no issue with that. Except that most of those people don’t even know the answer to the WWJD question. They just know that they want to throw a toddler temper tantrum because something is out of stock. Something you would use in the spring and summer. Even though it’s February.

Her husband did come and find me and thank me for being helpful and apologized for her behavior. So at least there’s that.

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Books I Read in January 2019

I’m trying to get into the habit of reading more, and so far I’ve done well. I subscribed to Book of the Month Club, and I’ve really like what they’ve delivered.

These are the books I read in January:

Photo courtesy of Amazon

I only bought this book because it was $3 at Books a Million. You Should Have Known was about a therapist who believed that she could see if a relationship was doomed from the start. She wrote a book telling women that all of the problems in their relationship or issues that their male partners had were evidenced from the beginning. Her books is about to be published and she’s planning a book tour when a mother at her son’s private school is murdered and her husband disappears. She soon realizes that she had it all wrong and that her husband was not who she thought he was, and she changes her whole life. I thought the main character seemed a little clueless at the beginning, but this book turned out to be more than I expected.

Picture from Amazon.com

I got Bleak Harbor on my kindle for free from Amazon First Reads. These books are usually hit or miss. This story specifically was confusing. The premise of the story was really intriguing; a woman’s autistic 15 year old went missing right before his 16th birthday. The whole book is spent trying to find him and figure out who took him. Every time it seemed like they had the answer, something else would come to light. The ending had such a twist. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend Bleak Harbor, but it wasn’t the worst book.

Picture from Amazon.com

The Woman in the Window was my first book from Book of the Month, and by far my favorite of the month. Apparently it is coming out as a movie this year, so I’ll definitely be going to see it. The premise is similar to Rear Window, a woman stays inside her house and watches her neighbors. However, she stays inside because she is agoraphobic. She is convinced that she witnessed a crime across the street, but no one believes her and she wonders if she’s going crazy. This book had so many twists and turns and I was sucked in the entire time.

Image from Amazon.com

I also got The Silent Patient from Book of the Month. It started out a little slow, but picked up pace, and the story was was never going where I thought it was. A talented artist murders her husband and goes silent, and she ends up in a mental hospital. The narrator is a therapist who is intrigued by the case and wants to help her. He gets hired at the hospital with hopes of getting her to break her silence. This book was so crazy, but so good.

What books did you read this month?

30 Days Done

As I’ve said before, every January I try to do 30 straight days of Yoga with Adrienne. I love that she does this every year and it gives me an opportunity to build momentum for the year ahead of me. Today marks the end of January, thus I have done yoga for 30 days straight. (31 days really, because I did yoga on the 1st of the month too, even though her 30 days doesn’t start until the 2nd)

I feel accomplished. I feel like I can do this year right. I have a lot of things planned for this year, some big changes are coming that haven’t been announced yet, and I am pumped. I want to step forward with confidence. I may not get it all right, but I can do it. I am smart and I am capable.

I am setting goals for myself to make myself a better person, inside and out.

What goals are you setting? I’d love to hear them.

Balance

Life is a lot about balance. You balance work and home. You balance chores and relaxation. Balance the things that need to be done, like homework, and the things you want to do, like watch Netflix or read a suspense novel.

I feel out of balance sometimes. My kitchen is cluttered because someone was working on our pipes. The work is finally finished now, but we haven’t put the effort into putting things back to normal. My living room is cluttered because every time we open a piece of mail lately, every time I open a piece of mail, it gets set on the coffee table instead of in the trash, where it most like belongs.

My room is cluttered because it always is. Nothing’s changed there.

But I don’t feel like doing anything about this, at least not right away. I’d rather do something interesting, or at least that lets me procrastinate longer. I forced myself to do the dishes today. It literally takes only five to ten minutes to sort and load the dishwasher. I finally put away the clothes that I pulled out of the dryer two days ago. Again, that couldn’t have taken more than ten minutes. So why do these tasks seem so daunting sometimes?

I understand the concept of balance. I understand what needs to be done. It just feels like a lot sometimes. Most of the time. But I really want to learn balance this year.

My Mother Would Have Loved Marie Kondo

Growing up, my house was never tidy. Sometimes it was clean, but it was never tidy. And it was never kept that way. We had things stacked up in lots of random places, because my mom found it hard to let go. But every once in a while she would get frustrated at her family for also not being tidy. She would ask us to clean our rooms. She would pick up things that we had left lying around and she would say “There’s a place for everything, and everything in its place.”
I think that’s why my home feels chaotic to me sometimes. Most things have their place, but a lot of things don’t have their place, so they just get set somewhere, and then when we need them we really have to search. I don’t want to live that life anymore.

I’ve been watching, like I’m sure a lot of people have been watching, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix. It’s been amazing. I’ve been wanting to read her book for so long (let me know if you want to buy it for me) so when I saw this show I got so excited.
One thing that I heard her say in one episode is that it feels good when everything has a place. I instantly thought of my mother when I heard this.

My mother didn’t get to have a lot of innocent joy in her life. And she kept a lot of things. But I don’t think many of those things brought her joy.
I think my mother would have loved Marie Kondo, and I wish I could have seen her take Marie’s techniques into her life. I hope I can take Marie’s techniques into my life.

I’m ready for more innocent joy and less meaninglessness. I’m ready to be tidy. And I want to do it, because she couldn’t.

130

Not many people are aware of how much I struggle with my weight. Inside my head I have been overweight since I was fifteen. I don’t think this is actually true though.

Before I started high school, before I hit puberty, I was barely a size zero. I fully believed I would be able to fit into a size two my entire life. I weighed 98 pounds when I was a freshman and I thought I would always be small and always be able to eat however I wanted. My sophomore year I was having some knee problems, so I couldn’t be as active and I remember being in my english class and looking down and for the first time noticing my stomach. I wasn’t fat. But in my mind I was.

I remember going shopping for shorts with my mom when I was 16. I was doing physical therapy to repair my knee that I had messed up running track, but I was the largest I had ever been. I tried on the size that I thought I should be and it was way too small. This is one of the reasons I won’t buy pants from places like JC Penney or Target, because their sizing is off. A four at Old Navy is an eight at JC Penney. Trying on a six at 16 and having it be too small shattered me. I felt so fat. But a six is not even large. It’s barely considered a medium. But my head believed I needed to be a two, which I will never be again.

My weight has gone up and down over the years. I’ve been in really good shape and I’ve been in terrible shape. I’ve gained weight and I’ve lost it and people have noticed. All I want now is to be healthy.

This year I started a bullet journal, and I’ve dedicated one of the pages to trying to reach my goal weight. I have no idea if I’ll reach it, because muscle weighs more than fat, and who knows if I’ll lose motivation. I want to weigh 130, because I feel like that’s a good weight for my height. However, muscle weighs more than fat, so if I drop in size but not weight, I guess that’s okay too. I guess I just want to see if I can do it. I want to be accountable.

So here’s to 2019 and health and happiness. I want to be my best self.

2019- A Year For Words

I used to read a lot. And I used to read quickly. I devoured words and had so much inspiration to spin more. But I’ve been distracted for so long. I go through phases, but I don’t want reading and inspiration to be just a faze. So I’m going to try to make 2019 a year for reading, a year for words.

I made a decision that I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I decided to sign up for Book of the Month. This means I’ll at least read one book a month.

I tried last year to do the Amazon First Reads on my Kindle, but I just don’t like reading on my kindle very much. It’s useful for school books and for traveling, but there’s just something about real books with pages I can turn. I can see how close to the end I am getting. And the pages don’t make my eyes as tired.

I’ve also decided that if I don’t like a book, I’m not going to kill myself trying to finish it. That’s what makes reading so exhausting. Not every writing style is as easy for me to read. Everyone likes what they like.

I’m going to do my best to do what I like. Because for a while now I haven’t been doing what I like. I haven’t been doing that many things that make me happy. Alabama has not made me happy. It’s time that I start taking care of myself through and through, starting with reading again.